A novel idea...

I have always wanted to write full time someday. A novel bearing my name as the author on the cover page has been a fantasy for a while now! But even if I can think of a story line, I wonder how can I make it into a novel. Sometimes I think I should write short stories and publish the compilation. But I cant get any new story. I can clearly know where the story is coming from, inspired from some readings, somewhere in the newspaper. It doesn’t seem original. Are there any original stories I wonder. So far I have written only one story and am quite proud of it also. But it is heavily drawn from experience. May be it must all be drawn from some experience, not necessarily one’s own. I remember distinctly that I could not sleep that night properly when the idea of the story was born. I had this urge to switch on the light and scribble something on paper. The next day when I got to office I was feeling very restless. I finished the morning work with great fervour and stretched the lunch break to put it in black and white (typed it I mean). I never ever have experienced that feeling again. That restlessness to put it down on paper, that flow. I also have another problem, until I feel very passionately about something, I can’t write something interesting, it will be very mundane and boring. When I re-read some posts much later I can clearly tell what made me write which post and I like the ones which had some deep feeling associated with them. Like the words had to come out at the time to provide that relief. I have read autobiographical works by R.K.Narayan ("My Days") and Somerset Maugham(The Summing up), who happen to be my favourite authors. These people used to spend hours everyday writing, reviewing and reading when they became full-time writers. I have heard people travelling to far off places and write in seclusion, like I read that Kiran Desai went to Mexico and stayed there for long while writing the book “The inheritance of loss”.
What gives them ideas? Are they just more observant or do they travel extensively and seek newer experiences? Are there characters a combination of many real people they have met and not purely imaginary? From what I gather from my various readings, some writers socialize to get more ideas/subjects/stories and once an idea gets into their head, they confine themselves and start writing...
How does it all work? A restless person like me will become crazy if I turn into a full time writer and have a writer's- block! huh, scary thought. What do they do and how do they reinvent themselves as writers? How can they spin stories after stories without repeating themselves? I wish someone could help me with that...And wish I get a novel/book published by the next Olympics! Hmmmmm nice thought!

Where are we heading?

I read the editorial of "The Hindu" a couple of days ago where the editor described the terrorists blasts in Bangalore and Ahmedabad as "Metro terrorism". It is no easy issue to deal. People in cities are very very vulnerable to such attacks. Most terrorists look for places where the number of casualties is likely to be on the higher side - which makes cities so convenient.
No sane person can ever reason out their intentions in causing so much of pain to absolute strangers and say they do it for a cause or to please God of such things or even better- for peace!
But the cities which are supposed to be lands of better opportunities, of dreams, of higher pay packets, of a better life not only for oneself but for one's family are turning out to be so very unsafe.
When they appear to offer no security to individuals it all seems an illusion. Did one come that far away from home only to be killed by an absolute stranger to whom you did no wrong? What about the children. A blast is not discriminating. It hurts and kills anyone it can afford to.
Would I want my family, my children, my parents to be in such an environment where I cant even guarantee them safety? Did my small town education not offer me enough to turn me into a decently educated person? Wont that do for my kids? Are there no opportunities in small towns or we just turn our backs to them because of peer pressure? Is it just a knee-jerk reaction to the recent blast right in my city that makes me think on these lines? Will it pass?

Five things I got to know...

I sometimes read "five things you dint know about me" in the newspaper featuring some celebrity and many are not things you would want to know anyways! Like would you want to know if this person likes cats or dogs, or what this delicate actress is most afraid of. I mean no one gives their number there! But after seeing a nice photo of theirs I still go ahead and read it! Here are a few things that I dint know(or noticed) about myself till lately:
1. I like to finish the omlet as quickly as possible as I dont like the smell of eggs! - I am a "vegetarian" in the sense that I also eat egg. Once in a long time when I smell omelette on the frying pan, I want to have it and then once I starting eating it, I cant stand the smell of egg, to my horror I feel like puking! Its probably not the smell of omelette that is pleasing to my nose, its just the onions and the masala, I really dont like having eggs that smell like eggs! In pastries its not a problem.
2. When I boiling from inside I have a lot of steam!(huh sounds very funny). When I am very angry, I have a lot of energy. These days if I channelise this energy, although not intentionally, I can walk 6kms on the treadmill or wash a bucket full of clothes in one go, read half a book in one sitting, make the wardrobe and so many more things. At home(home as in the place where I grew up) I used to throw tantrums when angry and sulk till I find something interesting to do!
3.I dont find ironing clothes taxing. I had ironed several times right from childhood, but only in emergency - when my mother had not got it done by our local "dhobi".(Although we gave washed clothes for him to iron, he was still called a "dhobi"!). Also when it comes to some delicate clothes or the ones that I like I somehow would not do it, for the fear of burning them. I had never ironed a whole lot of clothes till recently. And two male friends of mine who had recently been to foreign countries on official trips were saying the most difficult chore is to iron one's clothes. In someway this was also a trigger to try it out. I am not sure if the male wardrobe is made of "difficult-to-iron" dresses, but mine were pretty easy to do and I did not find it taxing!
4. I was under the impression that washing my hair at night would give me a running nose the next day! My mother once told me so when I was a little girl, and I never gave it a shot until a couple of years ago when I started gymming. Since then I have done it a great many times and only a couple of times caught cold!
5. Without this thing or person, it would probably be difficult to cope - was what I used to think. Life goes on. Mine is no exception! -This bit I have known, but often forget...

Chennai...

Had been to Chennai last week. I had been told about the heat and the soaring mercury levels, but my roomie had told me it would be much better during this time of the year as the monsoon has set in. I hoped it is so. But the first feeling that I had coming out of the AC coach of Chennai express was, "Is the pantry coach right beside this one, how come I dint notice while getting in?". I felt I was standing in front of a hearth. The humidity adding to the heat is what is very discomforting. The rucksack that I was carrying immediately seemed more than I could handle. My father's only discomfort seemed to appear in his knitted brows, rest of it he was dealing pretty fine. I regretted wearing jeans, why had I not thought of an-all-cotton-ware. Every sweat gland in my body seemed over working. Adding to that I was shocked to hear an auto driver tell me he would take us to our hotel which was just 6-7 kms from the station for just Rs.150? Even the prepaid auto cost us Rs.85. The thing is standing in the Chennai sun would make any sane person offer any amount of money to just get away from the heat. To my surprise the auto drivers, whether they are standing out luring passengers or driving, dont sweat at all! And most locals dont sweat. I know I shouldnt be very surprised as the locals are well adapted to the weather, but when you appear like a container overflowing with water, it kind of seems offensive that the hosts dont even sweat! On a more serious note, the city has its own pluses and minuses, like any other. The roads are good, food is good, buildings are ok. But the auto fares are atrocious, no foot-paths on many of the main roads! And then I could not understand this bit at all!
We wanted to explore T.Nagar, where we were put up, on foot. It was late in the evening and much cooler than the day. Some of the streets had footpaths. The walk was quite pleasant until we ended up on a main road with no foot path at all! The next morning we were careful not to choose the main roads and stuck to the smaller roads. The weather was very pleasant and we enjoyed the walk.
I have heard that Chennai is a great place to shop for clothes. The next time I go will probably do it. I must have been very biased about the city as I was comparing it with Bangalore in every aspect, which probably is unfair, but which probably I cannot help. But the overall experience was enjoyable. The next time I visit the city(I may need to go there for a week or two in a week or two on some official work again!), if I get to stay a little longer, I will definitely try to see it in a more objective way.

Long lasting connection...

It looks like having the same mobile for a long time is a big deal indeed. I got congratulated on being a long time customer from my network provider! And co-incidentally it happens to be the only number so far. Have seen a lot of people keep changing their numbers for various reasons. Changing the handest is also not something I do often. I have got various people calling me and asking for other people and when I tell them it is not the number of the person who they are looking for, they tell me the number and then it happens to be mine. There were some bank people always calling on my number and asking for certain Mr. Mishra! A guy asking for a girl called "Amanath"! Whom do these people think I am- some kind of an assistant to the people they are "trying" to reach! I seem to have patiently stuck to the number despite all this and so they probably feel I have deserve to be congratulated on this account! Even they must have been surprised that I have, despite the network not reachable from remote/rural parts (I am not sure if my office locality qualifies for one of these - sometimes I am not reachable here), having small issues here and there, I still continue to be their patron! So it has been quite a long lasting connection!

How boring...

Boredom can do interesting things to one's life. Through my growing up years I have acted on and reacted to boredom in different ways.

As a kid, who used to love going to school (mind you, we had no exams and tests in our school!) and liked my teachers and friends, I was not very keen on summer holidays. Going out of the station was only for a few days owing to father's business and having pets at home. The hot weather forced sane people to stay indoors, but not me. I used to creep up the "compound wall" and no one at home had a clue I was out until lunch time or the maid told mother I was seen with some kids in so-and-so's compound or down the street.(Yeah we kids played more on the street than the not-so-far huge playground, I wonder why?) When at home, I read many many books or just bothered mother and would not allow her to do household work. When I was bored I would become a little devil(some of you would not agree with "would become" ). To keep me away from my devilish deeds, my parents would send me to "summer classes" where they taught me the same English grammer, science projects year after year. The bharatanatyam classes were more frequent during summer holidays(not sure if parents had any hand in this). During one of the holidays, I was sent to swimming classes, during another - Veena classes, during yet another - music classes - none of which I learnt fully. I showed very early in life that I had to be kept occupied, else people around would feel the heat(not entirely because it was summer!).

Then came the two most traumatic years of pre-university, when every Tom- Dick and Harry tells you how important your second PUC/12th Std is. The boredom was in being forced of being a successful rat in a rat race. There was peer pressure, there were lecturers who always wanted us to do well, parental expectations to live upto, being compared to your cousins, what not... The only people who dint put pressure on me with their expectations was my father and sister. But it seemed so alien not to be expected that I would sometimes wonder why they are not normal. When the tension got on my nerves I would watch TV non stop for hours. There were all kinds of tests every single day - unit tests, chapter tests, surprise tests. Crazy system, crazy people. Although now I look back with a lot of indifference, for a few years after my PUC, everytime I read in the newspaper that PUC exams are coming up, I would sigh with relief that mine is over! The vacation that I went for to Munnar and Thekkady after these gruelling two years seem wonderful even today.

Then in engineering boredom meant studying subjects that did not interest me. The college days were good. Going to college was mostly fun. But when the study holidays started, boredom would start. I would lock myself up in my room and read all the newspapers and magazines. I would lie in bed hours awake doing nothing during the afternoons, studying only when I had whiled away as much time as possible. Then suddenly when there was only a week or so, I would feverishly start studying, feel guilty to watch TV and start going to temple on saturdays and praying that I clear all the labs, let alone the theory papers! I would not venture into the street or go and meet friends thinking people would know I was not studying(how very rediculous!)! The study holidays seemed endlessly boring!

When I started to work, it was very interesting to learn new things. But after many months doing the same thing however critical it seemed to the customer, was boring. It seemed the same old (mis)configeration, same old problem, same old approach. But late hours, less sleep, getting fat only in the wrong places, not able to eat when hungry all seemed rediculous. There was a month when the only expenses in my salary had been paying bills. I felt miserable that I had not shopped or seen a movie or gone out with friends. When you had just got that financial indepence you need to excersise the power until you get a hang of it. You need to buy that not-needed stuff as much those very-much-needed ones. Use it, misuse it, abuse it and then the equilibrium of saving for the rainy day and future should come. So, when I did not get enough chance to use it and when finally I had some time in my hands for it, it was too late. I had started investing!
Boredom has taught many things. It is as inevitable as occupation. I have loathed it, I have avoided it, have enjoyed it for short intervals, have learnt immensely from it. I think about things that usually I wouldnt spare a thought. I introspect. I blame myself and anybody if it suits my convinience at the moment, for things leading to boredom and how much better I could have made use of the available time. But even the way I handle boredom has changed over time. I have learnt that boredom exists in life whether we like it or not. At times I have either waited for it to go off or done something actively. It doesnt stay if you dont want it to. But it definitely comes back to see if you are really happy doing what you do...if not, it will stick around until you find something interesting to do!

Number game...

When I was a little girl, it was a habit while travelling, to see the vehicle numbers of the vehicles that pass by. From the registration number I could guess from which part of India it was from. Also if it had a Karnataka registration, which district is it from. Like from KA-01 to KA-05 is Bangalore registration, KA-06 is Tumkur, KA-07 is Kolar and so on. Dad had taught me this and I would surprise my Mom with the "skill" that I had acquired. Just yesterday while stuck in a traffic jam in Jakkasandra I noticed so many vehicles with registration numbers which were not from Bangalore and kept smiling at the fact that I had not played the guessing game for a long long time.

Food show...

I like this show called "Highway on my plate" on NDTV goodtimes. Its hosted by two food loving guys Mayur and Rocky. I like their sense of humor. These guys dont go to posh looking restaurants and give you their take on the cuisine there. They travel on highways, get lifts from trucks, carts and any other means of transport available and take the viewers to the dhabas, hotels and street side food shops. It may not be the best food. I dont know what attracts me to watch the show. Given the fact that I have some reluctance for road side food(yeah, may be because I studied biology till twelfth) it seems very interesting to see the road side food shops. Of these guys one is a vegetarian - Mayur and the other is a "pure" non vegetarian - Rocky. From what I gather from watching the show they have known each other for a long time now, a few decades in fact. They share a great rapport which makes the show fun to watch. I have a strong feeling there is no script as such for the show. They also show some interesting places like a palace or fort or the market place, whatever is famous in that particular city/town. There were some episodes in busy market place where they are selling chaats or sweets. They talk to the locals and ask them where they love eating and sometimes go there as well. The places visited are not based on whether they are small or big enough. Its just whatever comes up next on that highway which has some "good" food on offer - or thats what it looks like! There could be some obvious connection between the highways, trucks, food and travel,humour and me! Thats what makes me watch it I guess!

IPL...

There is one thing about the IPL that I am liking. It is definitely not the cricket(Bangalore team's dismal performance is not the reason!). The Ads. When I saw the "Manu-Ranjan ka baap" ad, I liked it. It has all the spices of bollywood exaggerated! And the pepsi ad with - Em Es Dhoni from Chennai who has Rajnikanth istyle and says "All you fast bowler rascals, you may have the ball, but I have the bat! - Miiiiind it" is also good. Shahrukh's cheer song for his Kolkata Knight riders is also comical. Ads seem to be no longer about catching the viewer's attention and selling the product, it is also turning into entertainmnet. Whether the quality of our entertainment(well "quality" is a very vague term) is improving or not, ads are definitely getting cooler...

My two cents...

I feel I would have enjoyed being an activist. Yeah. So, there is this plea going on in Cyberia about saving the Olive Ridley Turtles from Mr.Ratan Tata. Well dont get me wrong, he is definitely not hunting them down. The story goes that Mr.Tata is keen on building a Port, along with Larsen & Turbo on the northen coast of Orissa, which happens to be the largest nesting grounds for Olive Ridley sea turtles - an endagered species. You can show your concern by mailing Mr.Tata and voicing your concern. Log onto http://forum.greenpeace.org/int/showthread.php?t=4915 and go ahead and share your thoughts. Each one of us can make a difference and here is your chance. I am told that it is already making a difference - a mail from Greenpeace says "In a big blow to the project, banking giant BNP Paribas has said -- following an independent assessment of the Dhamra port's environmental impacts -- that it's no longer thinking about financing it."

I have always felt industrial growth and wildlife conservation are very difficult to be balanced. One always seems to affect the other. We need to think beyond the immdiate benefits. In the name of growth and development of an area, the eco system cannot be compromised. Its as much ours as it is of the rest of the animal kingdom. I remember one of my dear teachers telling me being concerned, being sensitive to issues itself goes a long way and someday materialise to action. Hope intelligent people come up with the workable solutions. Meanwhile, see what you can do.

My nastiest best!

Looks like have hit the rock bottom, groping through a never ending tunnel. I feel am becoming into some total stranger. Am no more myself. I am full of pessimism and hate everyone and everything. The worst part is am reacting badly to kind words. God! at this rate am going to lose a lot of nice people. They say one's character shows in times of adversity. Is this what I really am? Is this even a time of crisis? How would I say am sorry? May be I deserve every bit of.

When I saw....

I recently watched "Jab we met", a second time. I had heard it from my sibling and some of my friends that it wasnt a great movie. I beg to disagree. I like the sheer passion of Geet's character (played by Kareena Kapoor). I am not a Kareena Kapoor fan. Geet is eccentric, hopelessly romantic (she is in love with her fantasy of love than anyone), stupid to get off the train an unknown place for a total stranger. Agreed. But she is true to herself every single minute of her life. She knows it and does not regret. She does what she wants to do. Its ok. Most of us are not comfortable having such eccentric people around, and some of us cant even tolerate them in our fantasies, but tell me if fantasies cant be tolerated in bollywood movies where else would you do it? After all, all that happens in "Jab we met", has a low probability, not impossible like "Kuch kuch hota hai" or unbearable like "Kabhi khushi kabhi gam". I felt the songs were quite meaningful, tunes quite good, characterization particularly of Geet was very good, and yes, there was a story(Like I said, whose reality quotient shouldn’t be a great deal considering it is a movie). The dialogs were enjoyable and apt, though they may not have been very original. There was nothing extraordinary about the entire movie, but it was packaged well.

The first time I heard the title, it dint go very well with me. I felt mixing up two languages is totally bad idea. In “Hum ko maaloom he, ishk masoom he” song from “Jaaneman” I was very fond of the tune and to some extent lyrics(as in, whatever I could follow) till I heard some English words sprinkled here and there. It was a total turn off. And when I first saw the promos of JWM, I wanted to watch the movie. When people said it wasn’t great, I wanted to watch it for sure (When I think a movie is good, or I should watch it, reviews or what people feel doesn’t make a big difference. Only after watching a movie can I rate it, is my logic). So, yes. I liked the movie and would not mind watching it one more time.

Am game for it!

It is not everyday I play badminton so well. I was hitting hard, serving well, found some good gaps, timed the shots and communicated well. We(my partner and I) lost the game by a point, but thoroughly enjoyed every bit. There was a particular volley which made me go to either ends of the court, I managed to pick it up when my opponents least expected and placed between them. There were a bunch of five or six guys(I am the only girl playing badminton there these days, mind you!) watching the game and they all cheered in chorus. I enjoyed every bit of it!

I take this opportunity(yeah, big by my own terms) to thank Vinu for getting me to play the game, and MU for getting that extra racket for me to play everyday and of course all those guys who cheered for me today. Hey, I love badminton!

Going green...

Today is world Earth day. And women in my company have donned the role of "Green ambassadors" - So there was a sapling plantation program organised by the "Green ambassadors" in which even men could participate. We went to a place near electronics city called Bettarayapura. We planted "honge" tree saplings in the government school premises and also along the path leading to a small hill on which there was a fort and a temple, of Lord Timmaraya. The holes were already dug and saplings kept beside each of them by the time we reached there, thanks to some of the villagers, gardeners and some volunteers. It was about ten in the morning (bad idea!) and quite hot already. To help us there were our (our as in our company's) gardeners in green uniforms and company tags. We were about hundred and fifty people and there were about 400 saplings (according to organisers). There were not many shovels and water sprinklers for all of us. But it was nice to see enthusiastic people use there hands to push the earth while planting the samplings. It was a nice two hour outdoor activity and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Appreciated the idea as well as all the people who made it all possible. Hope many of those saplings grow into trees.

Happy Earth day folks!

To RP...

RP is someone who makes it fun coming to work everyday. Lately I pester him to accompany me for tea and lunch (he insists he does it by choice and am glad he does!). The greatest pleasure is our pointless arguments which do not leave any residues of any sort. We fight like kids, argue about topics we may or may not be very aware of, give each other fundas(he always has an upper hand), pull one another's leg, compliment each other, hurl insults at each other and laugh a great deal. He makes things look light and bright. Having a great sense of humour does wonders to conversations. Check out these:

* I was about to step on a bee lying on the ground and he asked me to watch out. Was a little taken aback and asked what is it. He smiled and said "A bee that was about to be not to be!"

* Me: Why do you always walk to my left?
Rp: I want you to be always right!

*Me : Oh am sorry!
Rp: I thought you were Pratibha!

*Me: Want some Marie biscuits?
Rp: No thanks, I think its made of sawdust and sugar!

*Me: I dont care two straws for it!
Rp: Why should you not say, "I dont care two idlis for it!"

*Me: Oh yeah, I am touched! (mockingly)
Rp: Sorry, I dint mean to touch you!

He thinks certain Miss Zinta looks like a bull dog, south Indians swear by their curd rice..and always gives me a lot of fundas. But I really do not mind although I mostly act like I do. I have so much to thank him for. For giving such a patient hearing when I am at my ranting best. Making me smile and sometimes laugh hysterically when I really am(/want to be) quite angry. Like yesterday he was not giving me a chance to speak! (Yeah, really!) Then when I threw him one of my “nasty” looks, he told me what was on my mind and then said that’s why there is no need for me to talk – how mean! I started smiling and then couldn’t pretend to be angry, so gave up. Sometimes he can tell you things about yourself that your conceited self would not have noticed! And also he minds his P’s and Q’s.

And all I taught him was to say “aiyooo”, GL, SU!

Our search for “greener pastures” may lead us to part ways in a few days. Here is wishing RP a rocking career and a great life. I pray and hope he gets all that he deserves and succeeds in every way he wants to.
“Hey RP, You make people feel wonderful. Keep that million watt smile going! Enjoy maadi!”

The painted veil..

I read the cover of this book and decided to read it. It is by Somerset Maugham, one of my favourite authors. This novel has characters that are very natural. No emotion/character seems is loud. The story is about a women, Kitty who rushes into a marriage with a bacteriologist, Walter Fane, and later feels trapped as she finds out that she does not love her husband. She falls for another man and justifies her actions by her own reasons. When her husband comes to know about it he asks her to accompany him to a cholera ridden city in China! Why he does that and why cant she refuse to go, despite the fear of being killed, you read and find out.
I may not be a great reviewer people, but go pick this book up and read...its very good.

And there is a line from the peom "An Elegy On The Death Of A Mad Dog" which is used in book to covey something. You can read the poem here : http://www.online-literature.com/oliver-goldsmith/2090/
This is just to make you get to the book faster...happy reading!

ನನ್ನ ಮೊದಲ ಕನ್ನಡ ಲೇಖನ.....

ಇದು ಕನ್ನಡದಲ್ಲಿ ನನ್ನ ಮೊದಲ ಪೋಸ್ಟ್ಇದನ್ನು ಟೈಪ್ ಮಾಡುವಾಗ ತುಂಬ ಖುಷಿ ಆಯ್ತು ಇನ್ನಷ್ಟು ಕನ್ನದ ಸಾಹಿತ್ಯದಲ್ಲಿ ಕೃಷಿ(!!!) ಮಾಡುವ ಪ್ರಯತ್ನ ಮಾಡುವೆನೆಂದು ನಂಬಿದ್ದೇನೆ.
ಇಂತಿ,
ಪ್ರತಿಭಾ

P.S : As a friend of mine suggested, have decided to do all my kannada writing experiments in another space...am grateful for the idea.

Hindi lessons!

As a kid I found it very very difficult to understand, speak and write Hindi. We were taught Hindi from Class I and when everyone else our age in other schools were learning to read and write words, we were expected to read and write small stories! I cannot exactly remember the reason for the difficulty, but it made me miserable. I do not remember such difficulty for English or Kannada. We had a good Hindi teacher who had a good Hindi accent. I used to adore her. There are some distinct things I remember about my adventures to learn Hindi in the primary school:

1. Once we were asked to listen to the Hindi news on TV(there was only DD then) and list out some five difficult words as an assignment(We got innovative assignments!). Hindi news was telecast at 9pm if I remember, which was very late at the time for me(must have been in Class IV or V). So I had listed five words seeing a serial at 3pm(when I came home from school!). My first word was the name of the serial(ya, that was really stupid of me!). It was called "Junoon". My teacher knew instantly my source the next day when I read my list of words!

2. A Kannada actor Shankar Nag recreated R K Narayan's "Malgudi days" on the small screen with many kannada actors from the small and big screen. My dad insisted that I watch it. It was amusing to see Kannada actors speak a language I felt was very difficult, so effortlessly(Many years later I felt their Hindi was not exactly effortless, it had south Indian accent cropping up, but suited the story well - as in, the setting was in a village down south- it was fine). I did not understand much but liked watching Master Manjunath and pestering dad to tell me what was happening!
I also remember watching "Osheen", the story of a Japanese peasant girl who strives hard to become a beautician(not sure of the title or the storyline- but it was japanese for sure!)

3. At a little later point of time, in the afternoon(may be 3.30 pm) a new comedy serial started. Many of my friends came home after school as it was at a stone's throw and when we switched on the TV there was only one channel then and we happened to come across this serial called "Dekh bhai dekh". We were not a TV watching bunch but I remember clearly we loved watching this one! I must have realised it was a comedy because of the background laughing for every joke! It had Shekhar Suman, Farida Jalal and a bunch of other good actors. And I enjoyed watching this show for sure..

4. There were these Hindi exams that were popular in my school days. Mysore Hindi prachar samithi and Madras Hindi prachar samithi used to conduct exams and certify one's Hindi prowess. I happened to take(had no option, it was from school!) the first exam called "Prathama" in Class III. Given the fact that I went to school that did not have exams, exams never scared me! It did not make me anxious. I loathed the last few days when my Hindi teacher made us read and write a lot of stuff! I managed to scrape through the exam! My mom said I should be serious the next time around. My dad told me I had done a good job, as I had got more marks than him for the same exam!

I started speaking Hindi in high school - this was not due to any books, it was mostly because of TV! My Hindi even today is clichéd. Have a feeling native speakers of Hindi dont use the flamboyant phrases and words that Hindi cinema employs. I can say things like "Kaafi nek khayal he". I cannot think of another usage of the word "nek", since the TV/ films did not popularise other usages and my Hindi is not sourced from reading Hindi literature. It all seems funny. A south Indian feels I have a decently good Hindi accent, but the truth is my Hindi is very filmy and mostly grammatically incorrect. Like many things I do, I speak Hindi quite confidently and that seems to make up for the grammar (or the lack of it)! I did make some effort to read some literature in school but it seemed a lot of effort.

Partnerships...

Life is all about partnerships, good partnerships lead to success and happiness and bad partnerships are a part of the package, which help us learn faster... All the things that one enjoys could be the result of being with someone, of a good partnership.
Two things triggered my thoughts on these lines. One, while playing su-do-ku with mom, I usually feel the "hard" ones are really hard. But mom said we can do any of it with a little more patience and thinking out of the box. She dint exactly say this. She doesnt get into lecture mode, since am not very receptive when people are preaching me. In her own sweet way she convinced this and we ended up doing it in quite the same time as any other "medium" or "easy" puzzle. It felt great and most of the "hard" part of the puzzle seemed to be in my head.
Also the recent Indian cricket team's victory against the "mighty" Aussies in two straight finals. Wow what a way to drive home a point. I was mightily impressed. It served the most arrogant foul mouthed team that have seen in international cricket. I felt it was the way our players stuck together, believed and celebrated each other that lead to the victory.

It could those board exams you cleared with good grades - a partnership between a child and parent or child and teacher, it could be enjoying shopping/going out for a movie/chatting over coffee - a partnership with a friend or sibling. There are these people who love us and help us win, help us face many a challenge, pray for our welfare. So most of our success is not just a result of our hard work. It could have big contributions in the form of trust, faith in one's abilities, prayers, wishes, time of your loved ones - parents or friends or siblings.

Good partnerships make life interesting, open up new possibilities, make you realize previously “impossible" things. They make life wonderful.

Doctor Who?

There was a time when I thought I was not into reading sci-fi novels. Not very long ago. As in two weeks!When a friend suggested I could borrow some of his sci-fi books, I almost had to hide my contempt! How could I imagine reading some aliens attacking planet Earth and some hero recues. Wow impressed! I cant bear them on TV(ok folks, those of you who like it, sorry but its true), how could I read them. That was two weeks ago. One evening just when the library was about to close, I rushed in and asked the librarian to suggest a book quickly so that I dont waste his time browsing to pick one.All I said, "want something light and funny". When he picked up the book, I almost showed him my disappointment about his pick. He said it is a hit TV series and the back cover had something about aliens. I forced a smile, took the book telling myself its ok to keep the book over the weekend and if I dont like it can take something else on monday. The book was called "Wishing well" of the Doctor Who series. In two weeks I have read three of these books and last night I was up late just to ensure I finish reading the book. And in months I have not devoured books at this rate!! I have taken best sellers, critically acclaimed books
and either half read them and gave up or took weeks to finish them. I was wondering whats up with my reading, until I read these books! Things never are like they seemed..And why did they seem the way they did in the first place? I can neither explain my contempt for sci-fi stuff before nor the craze for it now!It all sounds so crazy, but I admit its wonderful reading the Doctor Who series!

High school highs...2

There was this game in school that we were all very crazy about. We used to call it "Grandslam". Very similar to hangman. But every letter has a clue. And more points for guessing the entire word. And even after the word is guessed, sometimes we can continue to play for the each letter clue.( Except for the basic rules, the game had highly evolved thanks to our collective synergic enthu for the game). The whole class would be divided to two groups (usually two) and there were some occasional fights, as someone thought someone else was cheating! This added drama to the game. The best part of it was the entire class would be animatedly excited to play the game. Some of our friends used to prepare it at home for the rest of us to play. The game is in fact as simple as I have put it here, but it used to be real fun. If any teacher asked us a "tricky" question for which none of us had an answer we would all cheerfully suggest "grandslam"(ok make it shout - our history teacher called us "barbarics"!!). So the teacher had to write all the dashes and give us a clue or two for us to guess the answer (not many would let us play the entire game – so give us some easy clues and finish it off). Not many teachers liked the idea, as it would not only eat up some time, but also since it would also make us happy and noisy!! As far as I remember it was our English teacher, Jyothsna maam, who showed equal enthusiasm to play the game when there was a chance for one. During the "extra" hours, lunch breaks, "game" periods, after school, before the classes began in the morning...we were game for it anytime. We played grandslams in history, geography, literature, biology...you name it we had played a grandslam on it! It was pure pleasure!

May I have my change please....

There is a lot of unrest. I feel I want a CHANGE - of place, of work, of people, of habits, of food(except for "uddin vada" ofcourse).
I am feeling tired and running slight temperature right now. Wondering could that be the cause..
Hope either the change happens or the restlessness passes away - whichever is convenient for the guy up there...

High school highs...1

I always wanted to be working when I grew up. I had made the assumption. Probably a teacher, but none the less a professional. I was probably in class 8. There was this debate in class(We used to have many at the time). The topic was "Should mothers be working?" or something on similar lines. I remember the teacher. Her first name was "Aktar". I have always liked this name. It sounds sweet when said. There were many participants as usual. But none of us wanted to argue saying "mothers should work". The teacher asked me to argue for the topic. I reluctantly agreed. Some of the arguments were so callous, like "If they are so interested in working, why should they even start a family"!!! Deep inside even I felt the same(ok I know, but its true). When you agree so much with your "opponents", to express disagreement convincingly is difficult! I, like most of the class was just thinking "Would I be liking it if my mother started working?".

I was not even liking the idea of me going home after school to an empty house. Then waiting for my mom to come. It was nice as it was. She waiting for me, and asking me how my day at school was - and me giving her every detail I could remember, right from whom all I quarreled with to what interesting thing I leant that day.

I argued saying "If women are talented and educated it will get wasted if they do not work. Even they have dreams and aspirations, so they must be allowed to work". The very tone I adopted made it obvious, I never saw myself in that position years later!! And I had not seen our teachers in this light! Most of them were women and many of them were mothers! All of us had let our teacher down. When she shared her thoughts we realized we had said all these things before a “working mother”! She was saddened by the way we thought - how possessive we were about our mothers and how selfish, how shortsighted.

What I enjoy doing these days...

1. Playing badminton with Vin.
2. Playing su-do-ku with Amma on weekends.
3. Car driving classes
4. Sleeping most of the time on saturdays.
5. Praying.

To Kitty, with love...

Her eyes were bright with some strange joy and there was a child like excitement in her face! She must have also felt the same about me at the moment. And we kept staring at our hands, she at mine and me at hers. Her hand looked so very much like mine. We were looking at something on her monitor. She was seated in her chair and I was leaning from my chair to see something she was pointing out at. My hand was resting on her chair's arm rest. While discussing something we realised this and we seemed so excited about it. Exactly the same shape! I kept my right hand along with her left and we both giggled like little girls! Her hand was slightly bigger and had long beautiful nails(my nails are very short).
This post is dedicated to my hand twin!

Last evening...-2

The world is a very unfair place to be.(Ok I will keep saying it because it IS an UNFAIR place to be!). This has nothing to do with the below passage.

Another friend called me after a long time to check if I continue to exist - precisely thats why some friends call me up for. We caught up with each others lives. In the due course I suddenly realized (because my friend pointed it out to me), that I had made some remarks about relationships and marriage. All this advice was not even targeted at him, for he is a mature guy himself. We were just discussing about something and I got into the lecture mode unconsciously. This is what I had said(it cant be exactly the same words, and since I was the one who said it, I have the license to...) :

There are a lot of things in this world which you do to prove a point. Marriage is definitely not one of them. Dont marry to prove anybody a point. There are a few people involved whose life will get affected by the decisions that you take. Be practical, be reasonable. In the height of ecstasy, when high on love, people dont think of the practical implications. You must think about the consequences. If you are content with the way of life at home, if you are proud of your roots(and you enjoy a lot of the vernacular stuff) , if you are sure you want your everyday things to be how they have always been, do not try anything drastically different in this area! Just imagine wanting to watch a kannada movie/play and hoping your spouse, who cannot follow kannada, could appreciate it, when initially it did not even seem like a requirement for the relationship! Think. Because this will be having an impact on your partner as well. If you are the kind who would end up with such unrealistic expectations(they become unrealistic in this particular situation, otherwise having such expectations from people of the same backgrounds is very valid)and are convinced it’s a reasonable expectation to have, then cross-language and cross-culture marriages are not for you. This will be a very unfair thing to do for a person whom you have “loved”. Things will not continue to be rosy forever. Get real. Don’t make your old parents go through difficult times adjusting to the new person-new language-new culture(This will not be a problem if you are from a cosmopolitan background). Marriage should stabilize life not add more confusion! And more than everything it depends on fate (yes, I am a “practicing” hindu!!! LOL!). If things do not happen the way you want, they were just not meant to be. Blame nobody(This is easier said than done!)…….

There was one thing very surprising. I have never taken a stand on this matter before. I did not even know I think on these lines(now). I have always claimed to be a hard-core romantic – as in, you cannot help falling in love with people (and falling in love somehow translates to marriage, thanks to my conditioned mind!). It was a great eye-opener to myself!

Last evening...- 1

This world is a damn unfair place to be. This was what I was thinking when I my mobile beeped last evening. I felt very strongly it was from my mobile service provider. They send me messages to pay my bill ten days well in advance of the last date, and that too some 3-4 messages per day - buggers. It was from a friend saying "I forgot to tell you - she got the Visa! Thanks." A smile lit up on my face. It was a strange feeling infact. I had not done anything that can be called a "favour" to deserve the "thanks". But I felt very happy,warmed and nice. This is what had happened.

I saw this friend of mine logged in early on the messenger. After exchanging pleasantries, he suddenly asked me if I could do him a favour. I said ok. He said his kin has applied for a Visa and she needs to get it, for she is needed there. "Can you pray for her?"

Now this took some time to register. Is this the favour he is asking? And this is a "favour"? It qualifies for a "favour"? I could not help smiling at the child-like-innocence of the request. So simple and so straight. (There are times when I wonder do I deserve such niceness? - yes, I am the same person who maintains the world is a bloody unfair place.)

After a while I managed to ask him if that was THE favour he had asked for. Saw a "Yes" pop up on my messenger.I said "Ok, sure, can do that for you". Seeing my confused state he gave me the explanation "If I do selfish requests(to God), they dont happen. If I ask Him something for other people it usually happens. So want you want you to pray for her." It could not have got simpler. I prayed.

Makeovers..

There is a show on TV that interests me a great deal. Not being a regular TV viewer, I keep surfing through the channels and stop mostly for songs and ads! And while surfing through the channels I catch this program mostly and it has to do with "makeovers". Two people, either spouses or friends or siblings are given a "makeover" by a team of experts - dress designers, hair stylists and the kind. Initially I was a little skeptic about this show, as in "would I not know what I look good in, why should someone else tell me" kind of attitude. But then what are experts for, and there is always a scope for improvement. Also, there is a pattern that I have noticed among most people. Most of us look for comfort when we select our dresses, which is very good. But more often than not we do not experiment. So we stick to the same colours or fabric. And our wardrobes are full of similar kind of clothes. Be it cotton salwar-kameezs or shirts of all shades of blue! And like everything else in life, we probably resist changing the way we dress. After these “makeovers” some people really turn out to look much better.

After watching this show, I let myself imagine giving makeovers to people around. I find myself telling, had this person worn a lighter or darker shade it would have been better. May be this colour shoes dont look good on this. I imagine how a person would look with shorter hair (For girls I like short hair or long hair, in between lengths don’t look that good, now don’t ask me how else would you expect it to get long otherwise…I never had long hair, ever!) I have always been experimenting with my clothes. I mix and match and see if it looks good. People say it takes a lot of confidence to carry of clothes, which you are not used to wear or colours you have not tried before. I never force myself, experimenting comes to me effortlessly – its as simple as, I get bored if I look the same for long! (LOL!). And many a time I would have bought the dress myself, so no question of forcing also. When people give me second looks, the first thing I feel is “now whats wrong?” (this is the confidence building activity I put myself through for all the effortless experimentation!)

But sometimes making small changes in our look does loads of good. And surprisingly enough all that, that is given in these “makeovers” involve giving a neat haircut, manicure and pedicure, and clothes and shoes that the “experts” think suit you well. And if we notice carefully this is what we were taught as kids. Presentable meant wearing neat clothes (yes pressed), keeping your hands, feet and hair clean, and wearing neat footwear(remember those polished shoes and clean socks..). These days a lot of emphasis is given on personal grooming. And it is so very interesting also! A little thought, some interest and some genuine effort and you well end up looking “groomed”.

Just wondering...what if...

When passion becomes vocation one becomes successful… may be. Dont know what makes some people successful and some not. Other than the perspective ofcourse. And the best part is people whom the world recognizes as "successful" mostly were not even looking for it. They probably followed their hearts, did just did what they liked. I was wondering what I would have ended up being (Currently other than fixing bugs for a living, I am a full time whiner).

Was wondering what would I have been had I followed my heart. I would probably be a dancer. Had learnt classical dance for four years, but at that time was too young to enjoy it. The classes were in the evenings and always felt it eats up my play time. And I was not a kid who appreciated discipline (okay dont think any kid would). Classical dance seemed very methodical and tiring at that time. Standing (or was it sitting!) with your knees bent through the entire rendition was traumatic(for a kid that is). I gave lame excuses to bunk classes, hardly practiced at home and gave up, or rather finally was allowed to give up. It was much later that I realised if there was any music I enjoyed I could neither recollect the lyrics nor the tune. But to my amazement could find a movement to each beat of the song if I happen to hear it again. At home while listening to music cant resist moving my head or tapping my feet. Sometimes I even increase the volume, sing aloud and dance. The only regret is I did not learn any form of dance.

I also like probably would love to be a TV anchor for a travel and food show. I always envy these people. They get paid for doing it! Imagine being the host for programs like "Best spas across the globe" or some such fancy named show, "Foodie" or some such food-travel program. You go around meeting people, learning facts about the place. Good food, nice places and everything free and what more you get paid for doing all of it! Ok, agreed am over simplifying the stuff, there may be a lot of research going on behind every episode, lot of effort in making sure the information provided is as authentic as one can get under all the prevailing constraints. And unlike presenters of olden days who probably got the script ready, these days if one goes by the titles displayed at the end of the show (see, I care to read them!) say that the presenter does a lot more than just presenting the show. But then the point is when you enjoy it, you enjoy it!

When I was in school, I used to like VJs and thought that was a “cool” job. But I grew up to be more misanthropic as days went by and the idea of talking to absolute strangers seemed such a turn off! For a while Astro-physics seemed interesting. I was a part of a sky gazing club. We spent evenings on a terrace near my house spotting constellations, stars and planets. But research needed far more discipline and really good grades. So ruled out!

Then I loved reading. Thought if I become an editor of a publishing company I could read manuscripts – books before they came to the shops, thats how I saw them at the time! But then there would be scores of people writing like me(not demeaning myself, but people who write more for pleasure than as a career, well how does that matter?, ok whatever), may be getting a good material is like searching for a needle in a hay stack..not sure why, but dint take up the idea seriously.

As a kid I loved my teachers. My love for people depends far more on them than myself (same applies to dislike as well, this is my theory so no questions entertained.) These were interesting wonderful people who made me feel teaching was a great job. I cant explain why, may be peer pressure, may be glamour quotient(!!!!) associated with it, or God knows what I did not become a teacher. Whatever little I know on anything, I still find myself good at explaining it to others. And surprisingly I remain patient when someone asks for a re-run of the explanation (may be I hear it as “once more”!!). Enjoyed going down the memory lane..and luckily still believe in the self-made thumb rule in life…I may whine, I may be unhappy for a while, I may think a lot, I may do anything I chose to at the moment about something from the past but then, ”No regrets, whatsoever”.

Here comes the new year!

My resolutions for the new year..Well though will not have any, but then on seconds thoughts, which I always have, have come up with this list:

1. Not to take anyone(including myself ) seriously.
2. Not to have any expectations from anyone. This I guess will be the toughest one. God help me with this.

This should do. These can infact can I bet ensure a life time of happiness. But then, I need to also learn to let go of things gracefully, gracefully being the point. Ok wishing myself loads of luck for this and all the folks on blogosphere a very happy new year!

P.S: Losing weight somehow dint make it to the list, and am glad about that one!

A not so funny incident...

Had a working day on saturday. One of those comp-off days in office. Was not feeling like doing anything much. One cannot. When it gets into your system it is a saturday, you just cant. So I started off from office soon after lunch, thought it was time I headed home. It was a warm afternoon. Humid. Was in warm clothes. The morning had been quite cold. Heavy lunch. All these were conducive for me to dose off in the bus, happily, with my mouth slightly open.

I was suddenly woken up by the zig-zag motion of the bus. Was dazed. It took me a few minutes to register what was happening. There was a small bus ahead of the one in which I was, which was moving in a zig-zag way to stop this vehicle. Then the vehicle ahead came to a sudden halt. Our driver also applied breaks suddenly. Within a few minutes lots of people outside the bus, inside the bus, on the road, lots of vehicles behind lined up on the highway. I was not very sure what had triggered this. The scene was like from a movie. I desperately wished I wasnt there. Crowds of this kind scare me, make me uneasy.

I was sitting in the third or fourth row from the front. I could see some people outside the driver's window asking him to get out. I was traveling in a government bus. The smaller bus was a private one. There could not have been more than ten passengers in that one. I felt sick. People from the bus started getting down. There are a lot of people from my place who work in the suburbs and travel to work daily. There were many such people heading home in this bus. Many looked like office go-ers. They were getting irritated by the delay caused in their getting home on a saturday evening. Many got down. I do not remember exactly how long it all lasted. After a few minutes saw a man running away from the side of the bus with his shirt torn! An enthusiastic lady sitting beside me informed that it was the driver of the smaller bus. She was straining her neck all the while as if it was a movie shooting going on. I did not even get up from my place next to the window. I asked her to just sit down. I felt she should not be so excited when the only emotion that I was feeling was fear. She gave me a look like I had violated her human rights. Even she seemed scary for a moment.

Was holding my knapsack close to me. I was expecting all these mad people to put the bus I was in on fire..I was thinking of Godhra! I was thinking of all the Gods I ever knew. I was thinking if I could fit into the window and jump out if at all they started burning the bus. There was no way at the door of the bus to escape, there were many crazy men blocking the way. I was feeling sad imaging the children and women in the bus who may die.. I was making offerings to many Gods. I would have gone nuts had it lasted even a few more minutes than it did. Finally I realised the whole fight was for a very petty issue. Had I seen why the fight had begun, my imagination would not have run wild.All those people who were standing at the door of the bus, looking like hooligans were the same office go-ers who had got down the bus. They had their sleeves raised and the faces full of aggression. Enough to make me not recognize them. After God-knows-how-long the bus started moving. I heaved, thanked all my Gods. Felt grateful just to be alive. I do not know what was the cause of my fear, was it ignorance(I was sleeping when the action was happening and saw only the drama unfold), was it the mad crowd(am a misanthropic in many ways!)..but it all looked unbearable when it lasted and funny much later!

Directionally-challenged self!

Had a friend of mine, treat me for an ice-cream. Reason - by chance found out we are on the wrong road.

People who know me also know that I am not gifted when it comes to roads, directions, and new places in general. We(my friend and I) were going to a buddy's place for a function. Of the two, I was the one who had been there earlier. Despite the fact, like a true friend, who accepts you as you are, this friend of mine did not expect me to remember the way. And like a good friend, I thoroughly lived upto the expectations! Only when we came to the sublane where the apartment was, I was very glad to identify the exact building(Phew!). Then after enjoying ourselves with company of good-old-people-from-hometown,you know all the warmth and bonding and all that and then ofcourse the good food, it was time to leave. When we reached the main road, there was a V-shaped deviation. My friend took the wrong one, and I managed to tell him so. All I said was something like "hey it doesnt look like this is the road we came from, just a passing thought..", he stopped at the side and complimented on my feat in his own humble way!I Was happy, obviously, I am not as directionally challenged as I make out to be. Then I seemed to get into my elements with the compliment(Ok it was no compliment, just a remark, a casual one). Mid-day sun,it was scorching hot, the road was somewhere on the outskirts of the city where there are no trees on either side of the roads-unlike the typical bangalore style and unlike the driver I did not have a helmet.. And I wanted ice-cream, cause I deserved one - this is what I told my friend. I was at my asseverate best and convinced the childhood-friend of mine that an ice-cream was the one thing in life we both need to have at that moment in life!! We searched in vain all along the road( make it "I"). Then finally we almost reached my abode in bangalore, when I suggested the most expensive ice-cream parlour I know (what can I do if that place happens to be near where I am put up- I exactly gave him the same reason). He treated me to an ice-cream for overcoming a major mental block, accidentally. A small celebration to make me feel good about life on a very hot afternoon....

OSO....

Saw "Om Shanthi Om" during the weekend. Can watch it once, second time would be a little too much. No story line(did not expect a great story, so was not disappointed)..some good comedy, some masala, nice songs, am a great fan of Sharukh's six packs(WOOOW!!!) - he may be old,he may not be conventionally handsome - but still I like him(reason - same old one, cant explain no clue), liked the songs and music..Deepika looks great, Kiron Kher is funny as the Filmy Maa..A typical Farah Khan's movie...She seems to understand the movie world, and really appreciated her sense of comedy(rarely was stupid rather than funny)..One thing was the 70's look..people must have had great amount of patience and all the time in the world during the seventies, so much elaborate-everythings - clothes, hairdo, make-up..hmm..

Plan to watch Saawariya this weekend. Heard it isnt that great, but want to watch Ranbir...

I'm-possible!!!

There are some people on the face of this earth(fortunately very very few and far) who get on my nerves and are talented enough to manage to stay there when I am willing to let them get off. The only way I know to deal with these people is to avoid them. But there are certain places in life when they cannot be avoided. "Get off my nerves please" is what I want to tell them, clear and loud. They just dont seem to get the message. Hmm such is life...Take a deep breath and relax, I tell myself. One such person told me "You are impossible". May be thats precisely what I want to be for him. But the point is, what on earth makes people bother me when the only mistake I made was mind my own business. This seems to be a big offence in life..Funny people! - Ok folks, one small confession, I really dont want to be liked by a few homo-sapiens in particular. I choose not to be liked by them.Crazy me, but I do not know why!!!

Smokey business...

Saw a freshly lit cigarette lying on the mud sidewalk of a busy street in a posh area of Bangalore, just outside an office I sometimes feel is my work place(Ignore the last part, will tell you more some other time). That set me wondering why someone ended up doing it..I mean if all one wanted to do is fling it on the ground, why was lit in the first place..
So may be it was a teenage girl from one of the posh apartments beside the office building, trying it out when herparent appeared unexpectedly.
May be it was a guy waiting outside for his girlfriend who works in the building..she said she would be out in 10 minutes but came in 2 minutes..and she does not like to see him smoking. May be it was a 10 year old boy who had his first ever cigar and choked from the smoke and gave up.
May be it was a guy in the marketing team who is always busy..his wife again started nagging at the other end of the phone that he does not have any time for her...when he had actually come out to relax for a few minutes and smoke, got wild and just flung it to the ground.

It was still smoking..smoke emanating from it I mean..

May be a broken soul(or a broken heart) who usually smokes
to feel good, lit it and remembering the sweetheart who so mercilessly walked out of life, did not just feel like it and so flung it and walked away, not knowing where..may be..
Only the cigarette knew...

Mistaken!!!

People dont ever seem to mistake me for a Kannadiga. I wonder why. And the best part is they take the trouble of sharing their piece of mind as to what they though I was, as in which part of India did they take me to be from. There was this Tamilian lady who asked where I was from, I said "Karnataka". Next question was "Are you a kannadiga?". Was a little surprised. Ok one's mother tongue could differ from one's native place, may be. But I was surprised. She then told me she thought I was a mallu! Wait its not yet over. A new joinee, a mallu, during a team lunch asked me ifI was from Rajastan! I only could smile at the question. A Tam thinks am a mallu, a mallu thinks am a northy...Ok people from other places mistake me, but wonder how I felt when a kannadiga asked me if I were from Delhi when we first met. And the icing on the cake came today.When one of my managers saw me talking to another one in kannada and exclaimed "Kannada!!"..Oh common people, give me a break.Why cant anyone take me for a kannadiga? I am a little more fair to qualify for a south Indian? Oh butI have seen far more fairer south Indians who are not mistaken (the one who exclaimed thus is fairer than me and is from south India!!)... I speak fluent hindi? Oh ask any north Indian, he will tell you how pathetic my hindi grammer is! Previously it used to be fun when people used to mistake me thus...but not always...not so frequently..May be I should be happy people dont mistake my nationality!! What crap na..

Whine-free-week anyone?

There comes a time when you dont feel like wallowing in that pool of self pity. There comes a time when you no longer want to complain about anything in life. There comes a time when you just want to let it be. So I have decided to have a whine-free-week.


Agenda:
1. Try atmost not to complain, not to whine... can only write it away...
2. Enjoy everything including a bad mood...
3. Can sulk only when alone, meaning if you want to sulk get yourself away from people and do it...
4. If you strongly feel something in life has to change, change it...no second thoughts and no complaining
5. Be cool, people can treat you the way they whim...who cares...its their problem not yours..just be cool and dont complain..

Let it be...let it go...mmmmm

Am feeling very dull today..I feel something in life just stopped being what it used to be. Sigh. My heart says hold on to it, mind says let it be...LET IT GO!

Started loving cricket again!!

Hey we are world cup champions! Sounds great, feels sooo good. And the best part is we won against Pak. What makes it sweeter is we had beaten the "mighty" Aussies to get to the finals. One thing that I hated is the Aussie supremacy. These guys made cricket very boring and one-sided. According to me they are the most foul-mouthed players on team. Have concluded so after having read so many things about it in papers.

The only Aussie whom I really appreciated for the person he was on field was Steve Waugh. A gentleman playing the gentleman's game. I felt happy when he made the remarkable comeback and felt sad when I read an article about him after he called it a day. A nice player indeed.
There were times when the aggression on field was incredible. I had heard that aggressive behaviour on field is used to intimidate ooponents. Am not saying it is bad, but the best defence would be to play your game well. Kumble and Srinath showed quiet confidence. Well the whole point am saying is on saturday's match I thoroughly enjoyed the aggression that India showed and am very glad they did. It was superb watching the very "aggressive" Aussies go down the way they did. And what was the best things I enjoyed? Sreeshanth taking the mightly wicket of Mathew Hayden and thumping his fists on the ground. Joginder Sharma keeping his cool in the final over of both the matches! RP Singh's displined bowling..Irfan Pathan taking some awesome wickets and how can forget Yuvraj's splendid form. What a BIG guy he is! And his sixes were a beauty to watch. Everyone seemed to pitch in and do there bit. It was stopping a boundary, holding on to a catch, taking those ones and twos and keeping the score going, avoiding picking the wrong balls, all these small things made a big difference. They mattered, and to a great extend they alone mattered!
And my dear friend Vinu had told me we would lose the finals! It is her birthday today and an ardent cricket fan that she is, has reasons to celebrate even this! Happy birthday dear friend and may the Indian cricket team make you more optimitic in future! Herez wishing dear V and Indian cricket a wonderful time ahead!

Some "suicidal" stuff!!!

Actually its very funny..I wonder how I end up taking up things and responsibilities I can hardly handle. I seem to be an expert at that. A friend of mine described this attitude as "Aa bhel mujhe maar"!! If I am asked to take up something at work and they happen to qualify that task as "challenging", I cant say a no. And so I took up something which on second thoughts seems "suicidal". Ah well thats ok..its all a part of life, atleast mine!!



So things did settle down. Well what doesnt in life?



There was something very interseting I noticed. Saw two dumb people "talking" to each other. Both the girls were probably in their twenties. They were animatedly gesturing at each other. When the one who was "speaking" made gestures, she was not looking at the other person. Only when whatever she had to say was over she would make the eye contact. Until then with various expressions on her face, she would go on following her own hands. And the "listner" to my surprise, was looking at the face of the other person not staring at the hands. One of the girls had a very expressive face and the other girl had a lot of red and green glass bangles in her right hand, which were the cause of my taking note of their conversation in the first place. Without realizing



I had watched their conversation for quite a few minutes when suddenly I felt how could they be so sure that the other person understood what was being said. Nothing to be sure of. One person could be talking something and the other person could be saying something totally opposite. It was quite strange suddenly. It seemed beyond my comprehension that a conversation could take place like this as well.

Suddenly it struck me that there are times, so many at that, when I have spoken to people in a tongue that they can comprehend, when words have clearly been uttered, when words have been heard and yet at the end have been so sure the other person has not understood what I really meant!! And there have been times when people claim that they did not mean what I understood it be, although at that moment I was not more sure of anything else..



Suddenly things happen which make me rethink about some assumed notions in life.. They make me think about things I would not have given a thought about, make me rethink about some and sometimes even give me a 180 degree change in "perspective". One of the biggest things in life is its all how YOU "see" it, its all how YOU "take", its all what YOU "make" of it! Like is like that!

Unreal

Today am feeling tensed, my nerves seem to be strained. People around feel am not being myself. Am cheeezed of. First things first. People act weird and blame me for it. Hello, excuse me. "Its not my problem" is the last thing I want to hear when an issue between two people needs some sorting out. Agreed, it may actually be "my problem", but would you please mind not being the root cause of a bigger problem is my question. I face these in professional and personal life at times. And to make life more interseting, sometimes it happens in both places at the same time. I need time, and dont need blame. What is the point pointing fingers at each other that too when I am not even blaming "you" for it. And why the hell get offended when all I am asking from you is some information essential to get that sorting process going. And instead of making someone feel as though he/she is a difficult person to deal with, why not spend that energy in just keeping quiet. That is the least "you" can do. It actually helps. Well people of world, if you are listening then try not to pass comments at people who are busy "sorting" some things out...

Unwinding.....

Long time since I had an urge to write. Today am very drowsy and am in a great mood.

I watched "Mungaru male" for the second time yesterday. On the movie ticket "male" meaning rain was spelt "malhe". I dint know how to correctly spell it, but could not get myself to agree
with the pvr fellow's spelling. The program stretched my evening to a little later than I would
have wanted. You see enjoying an evening out with friends is one thing, catching that stupid early morning office shuttle is another thing. Miss this "stupid" shuttle then get caught in
even more "stupid" traffic jams and then what better way to screw up the day!

Then during the weekend watched Chakde! India. Something worth your time. Can guarantee that you wont feel bored even if you dont understand hockey or if you are not an ardent fan
of Shahrukh. And by the way he plays the character and not Shahrukh in the movie..even thats something rare you see. And there are some real feel good factors. You feel good about life in general. Go watch the movie for sheer joy of watching a great movie on our national sport.

I recently read Tarun Tejpal's "Alchemy of desire". This is the first book by the author I am reading. I like the vivid images he gives the reader while describing places and events. The beginning chapters were gripping, but it seems to drag in the melancholic middle chapters, and again comes to life at the end. I felt rather strangely while reading this book. There are places where I felt the author makes one feel there is nothing much to life. The story is in first person. There are times when you feel deeply sad for some characters and utterly irritated by the author's behaviour, his callousness. This is what is the strength of the book I feel. To portray oneself truly, with all the confusion and chaos happening inside, transparent to the reader, is a challenge. Many end up making the reader sympathize. Here I ended up, at times, loathing the author. Took several weeks to complete it. There were days when I just dint want to hear anything from him! Now it all seems good enough.

Then, I seem to be a great believer of destinies these days..all that will-happen-if-it-is-
meant-to-be attitude seems to pop up from nowhere at times. Confusion is the most prevalent
emotion mostly. Cant believe it is the same me who had opinions about almost everything in
life, that too strong ones. I have noticed that only utter confusion drives me to write stuff..may be I try to unclutter by writing..have kind of decided not to plan for sometime about anything.
That makes life simple in fact.

Happy birthday Pa

Happy birthday dear Pa, love you for making me realize there is something called
unconditional love. For sharing your almaari with me(given that you dont like doing it), and using mine after I left for bangalore. For teaching me to always cut my nails small and keep them tidy. For making me read newspapers every morning and creating love for reading. For mending your shirt yourself and making me realise your things can be your own business and no one else's if you keep them that way. For loving animals. For never forcing me to do anything against my will. For making me watch malgudi days and quiz programs on TV. For always being there for me. For being such a wonderful dad.

Life in a metro

Saw "Life in a metro" last week. A good paisa vasool kind of a movie, wont get bored for a minute, guaranteed. One thought that did linger is the amount of loneliness you feel sometimes in a big city, so full of people. May be it just happens all the time. Its very rare you get a someone with who you can share all your thoughts and even more rare (almost impossible) to find this same "someone" not change. Well it could be that you were the one who really changed and not this someone, but then it’s the same thing right? You end up being lonely all over again!

Muriyada mane...made my evening

After a long time all of us in my family sat together to watch a movie at home last saturday. Its so difficult to get a movie to make us all watch together. Thats what made it so special. It was cloudy and drizzling which kept dad indoors. Mom had prepared "chakkuli", so we all had something to munch on while watching the movie. It was called "Muriyada mane" - meaning "The unbroken home"- literally. It was about how a family splits for money, property and selfishness and finally reunites. Nothing new, what made us watch it were the actors (Dr.Raj, Narsimha raju, Balanna, Aswath..)and the beautiful dialogues, nice songs, excellent language(it seems so rare in today's movies)...Small things like these seem a luxury and can give so much of joy!

Gone with the wind

Read a very beautiful book - Gone with the wind. So beautiful that I dint need a book mark to remember where I last left it. So beautiful that I felt that I could not "waste" my evenings in office, in spite of all the "work load". Long pending. Had wanted to read for so long. Loved every bit of it. Felt hurt and sorry at times for some characters in it. So true and lovely.

Pappa

The father and his eight year old daughter were sitting in the hall enjoying each others company in the evening. Dad was sitting with his left ankle on the right knee making a cradle for his little daughter to sit on. They always enjoyed it like this. She was in her white sleeveless summer frock and he in his banian and green checked lungi.The daughter had noticed a small hole in the banian on dad's tummy. She managed to put her little finger in it and meddled with it in order to make it big enough for her finger to go in easily. Dad asked her not to do so as it was tickling him. This encouraged the little girl and she did it again. Father starting laughing loudly. It made her happy. Suddenly she thought of asking him what she had been planning from morning. Her sister had asked her not to touch her cycle. She had out grown her tricycle and wanted a bigger one. It was the right time to ask dad, she thought. She told him what was on her mind. Dad looked at her affectionately. He started telling her his childhood memories. This was very rare. He rarely even mentioned it. Today was different in severalways including this.

He: You know something? My school was about 2 kms from my house.She did not know how far was 2kms. But from his tone she understood itwas not nearby.
She nodded and said "hmm" as she had gone into her story listening mode.
He: I had no bicycle like Pammi (his elder daughter). And I did not carry lunch to school. I used to come home in the afternoons during the lunch break. I would come running on the pavement of the SH road(main road of the town). As the break was only for half an hour I would gobble up my food and then run back. I often would get muscle pulls in my stomach for running soon after lunch.
She : hmm
He: I dint have a bicycle, but my cousin, a year junior to me, had.
She : Why?
He : No one asked me if I wanted one.
She : Hmm? Why so?
He : I dint have a father to ask me.
He smiled. His eyes were filled with sadness. But she turned pale and held the arms of his banian and started crying uncontrollably. Although young and incapable of understanding the death of someone, she knew this was something that made her sorry for her father. She hugged him.

Istambul...

I am reading Orhan Pamuk's "Istanbul". I seem to share a lot with this guy(he happens to be Nobel laureate, not that's why!). Like him, I like winter, staying back home in gloomy weather, think women are more sensible of the sexes, strongly rooted to my place of birth and home. It doesn't seem to be so boring having my home housed in the same building all through! I feel possessed when in love. So many more things...plan to go back home and complete reading it. His language is not colourful in the sense that he doesn't make it loud or highly descriptive. Its plain, black and white, melancholic, beautiful. I'm loving it!

Argumentative Indians!

Watched the movie "Guru". Enjoyed it in the sense that I dint get bored.But I don't think I would want to watch it once more. The after effectsof watching the movie was kind of fun. My roomie and I began discussingit. We had watched it on different days. The discussion turned to aninteresting debate - a post dinner one(to be noted, as pre dinnerdebates are mostly short lived). I am very unsure of what it startedlike..may be that the character "Guru" became successful by "breaking"the rules. My side of the argument was he did not "break" but only"bend" the rules. The system although is functional it was not flawless.He was very ambitious and only used the flaws in the system to hisadvantage and grew. He also improved the system in a way. Her argumentwas quite interesting. She strongly believes in the democratic values,feels no single person can get bigger than the system.

Me: Agreed. But at some point he did go above the system. The systemwoke up in time to raise its own standards.

She : Being corrupt is not bending the rules. It is perfect breaking therules. Not paying tax is as good as a crime.

Me : Fine. But this punishment was affordable to him. Paying a fewlakhs(or whatever money) is not that big a deal for a business tycoon.If someone finds punishment affordable then it means the system acceptsits flawed(at least in areas where the punishment is affordable) therebygiving concessions to those who break these rules.

She: Punishment is a punishment. Although it looks like a financial one,it can tarnish the image of the company and loose a lot of good will inthe market.

Me: In Guru's case the beneficiary was the common people and it was thegovernment that lost money. And moreover all Guru wanted to do was makemoney legally. The system with its corrupt bureaucracy came in his way.He found it far more time saving to just bribe and move on. Had thesystem been supportive there was no need for him to bend the rules.

She : He fought the system legally to get the license to start hisbusiness. Later he went on using corrupt ways to grow. Every individualin a system should act responsibly. He should have fought corruption.

Me : Fighting corruption is easier said than done! It would beidealistic to expect him to have done so. He was achieving his means byexploiting the system. Even corruption is a part of this very system.Even education is a part of this very system. Expecting individuals tobe responsible enough although your system doesn’t do much to help themgrow is a little asking for much. Even he was a part of this system. Thesystem dint give him the chance to grow naturally, so he tweaked therules. Had he broken them, he could not have been able to bear theaftermaths. He helped the system grow. Such people stretch the limits ofthe imagination of the society. Who could have thought a company couldhave been started without any money at all. He raised it from the publicmoney. They are required....

(Her part of the argument may not be fully represented as I was busy debating it out!)

The debate had gone on well after midnight. We were so excited at someparts of the arguments we were, I guess talking loudly. Then we suddenlyrealised it was well past bedtime. Many things were not settled. Both ofagreed to remain peaceful in our disagreements. We have realised to stayunder the same roof we need not compromise on our beliefs or thoughts.So naturally we had enjoyed the debate.

Goldfish memory....gone in a blink!

I feel like a goldfish! Looking at huge lines of code. I have an uncanny feeling that the moment I blink I forget all that I had analysed and theflow! Like the goldfish memory. You blink, you forget. Like the girl inthe movie "50-First dates". Fortunately it happens only with the code.But forgetting in some ways is a gift. Life becomes simpler if yourealize what to remember and surely remember what to forget! No extra baggages please.

hmmm

I sometimes feel like a child. Attracted to anything that is colourful, anything animate, anything cheerful and gay. I refuse to "analize" whether it is "good" for me. Then either end up burning my finger or feel it was snatched from me! Now this is childish. How could I have assumed it was mine or it would be available to me for as long as I pleased or rather how did I assume it would be there, it has its own fancies and rules of the world. Whats this "it".. Could be that friendly smile, could be that availability of this really nice person to chat, could be sharing interests, could be a person, a place or a thing which just attracts and has the capacity to hold my attention. Am I so stubborn in not letting go things easily or is it always with me that whenever I like the cheese, it has to be moved. I wish I had appraisal discussions with my Maker once in a while. Look this guy creates me the way I am, and then teaches everything the hard way. I deserve my share of everything in the world. Yeah I do. Anyone listening..huh?

Am gonna miss....

Am moving to a new office. I was just asking myself, other than the familarity and comfort of the people I work with, what else will I miss? Trying to list:
1. The library, particularly the one for non technical books.
2. Yoga class, and to some extent the gym.
3. The lazy walk beside the "pond" after lunch.
4. Variety of lunch available(you get South Indian,north Indian,Chinese, Continental,ok just name it you get it) and ofcourse my only lunch companion in all these years of my work life.(Well she is more than a friend, have known her for almost nine years now- best buddy in college!)
5. I had started noticing some really cute looking, kannada speaking guys! Oh god, what late realization hmm!
6. Bus ride! Now am I not being rediculous. Was this not the one reason I thought I dint have a life after office hours on weekdays? Ya, but I am gonna miss it.
7. Barista, coffee day, Strand and Oxford bookstall (both offer 20% discount)
Hmm...thats sums it up. Now I wonder, this very office when I shifted a year ago to, I used to crib saying it was so far from civilazation and outside the city and now I feel I am gonna miss it! Thats life.

Appraisal....

My mentee: What they ask during the appraisal.
Me: They dont, you need to.
Mentee: Oh! What does one write in the appraisal.
Me:(In the gyan giving tone) See, first you need to do your work the best way you can. Then dont feel shy to write the good things that you have done. If you feel shy writing good things about yourself and your work, they feel shy to give you a good hike!

Both of us had a good laugh.

On rainy day not long ago....

It was a late evening during the early monsoons. I was heading to the bus stop, it was drizzling but the sky was red and threatening to pour any moment. Those days a downpour was a welcome relief. My steps were unhurried. I neither seemed to care for the rain nor the last bus home. It was about 10 minutes walk. Occupied in my own thoughts I slowly walked through the open, untreed path in the lowly lit narrow winding lane running through a well maintained lawn. Reaching the bus stop climbed into my bus without a second thought or checking the route. Nothing could have changed, so fast. At least not my work life. I sat in a three-seater next to the aisle under the light to force myself to read something. Starting looking for some book in my bag. Those days I did not care what I read, because the companionship a book could give suddenly seemed to have deserted me. After a while the fact that someone is at the window-seat registered. I also slowly realized I was sitting right below the speaker. Radio is played the moment the bus starts off. And these are my regular companions in the bus - my book and the radio jockey and his music. I mechanically took out the book and started staring at the words. I dint realize how long it was before the music started playing overhead. It was the first time I ever heard the song.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I turned to the window. I wanted the gentleman next to me on the two-seater not to notice me. My neighbour on the right was looking out of the window. Our eyes met in the reflection of the window glass. His eyes were not questioning. There was no expression that would make me uneasy. They were just softly glancing. I was not sobbing, but could not stop the tears, they seemed beyond my control. The deep voice of Kailash Kher "Tu ne kya kar daala mar gayi mein mit gayi mein oji haaji hogayi mein...teri deewaneee..diwani..." had caught a passing thought and thus the precipitation. Ever since I have been in love with the song, its lyrics and the great music, beautifully sung. I felt greatly relieved after a while. For a long time after that I dint look at my neighbour. I was not embarrassed or anything. Just before I got up to go, I turned towards the window glass, as if to say bye.He again saw me without turning towards me. I thanked him with a smile and he warmly reciprocated. My steps towards home felt lighter. Those tears seemed to have washed a lot of things away.

What last year taught me..

1.While taking a photo, never make the subject be in the very middle of the frame. Its considered "ugly".
2.Never make someone your priority while you are only an option to the other person. Life demands balances in relationships.
3.Hit the gym. Get it into shape. Round is not a shape. Moreover do it for health, and keep the "shape" factor as motivator. Do yoga, keep yourself fit.
4.Some tips to avoid gaining weight (note, not reduce): Go to bed after a couple of hours after dinner. Drink lot of water. Take a slow walk 10 mins after lunch/dinner.
5.Be good to yourself. Treat yourself to some goodies, be it chocolates, clothes, books, or whatever you love once in a while. It helps you appreciate the smaller (in fact the most essential) things in life. Like the ad goes "You are the occasion".
6.Do new things, dont just plan. I planned many many things last year. I want to realize most of it this year.
7.If you want something "ask". I have asked and not got it, but it only made life simpler. Atleast I know I asked. Chances are you get what you want, dont settle for anything less.
8.Finally no regrets about anything. All said and done, all thought about over and over again one ends up making mistakes, some small, some big. Nothing is as big as life itself. This is the first time that I am doing so many things in life, so all this expected.
9.Give yourself and others another chance.

And happy new year folks!

Kabul Express - my verdict!

Watched "Kabul Express" film yesterday! A beautiful film. Short, moving, intelligent and beautiful. For a person like me who was not following the happenings in Afghanistan recently and who reads the newspaper twice a week, the "reality" depicted in Kabul was an eye opener. The geography of the place, with the nearly cloudless azure sky, vast stretches of dry land seemed mystic. But the people seem to have a different story to tell. This place seems no where close to a civilized society, although there did exist a great one long ago. What one gets to understand of how women were treated during the Taliban period is saddening.

Humour in the movie is mostly sarcastic. You find yourself smiling, sometimes laughing out loud. Its not just Warsi who brings a comic relief in the movie. There is a quadruped actor also! Very interesting character.

John looks good as usual. Neatly written script. Highly recommend it for a different experience.

The art of letting go..

Learnt a very interesting lesson. If we clench our fist tightly for a few seconds it does not hurt. If we keep it clenched for a few minutes it makes you feel a little uneasy. Imagine holding it like this for days, months or years. Imagine the plight of your hand! This is what we do about many things in life. Relationships when held on momentarily strengthens it, then freedom should take over. Or else it starts hurting like the closed fist held for too long! Let GO!

Open your fingers and feel the freedom. Holding back can cause accumulation of a lot of stress, pain, expectations and what not. When things hurt in any aspect of life, its time to let go! Its time to move on. Its seems so simple. Simple things are so difficult to follow. We tend to accumulate a of stuff like old letters, cards, broken pieces of porcelain, clothes.. those cupboards, drawers full of these "memorabilia". Keeps accumulating, denying the "present"(today) a chance of existence in your life! You tend to keep living either in the past, in memories or in future,in dreams. There are people and feelings who need to be attended to, who are happily forgotten by us. Probably thats what "Get a life!" is all about...

The joy of being misunderstood!!

There are times when I am misunderstood. I hate explaining myself. I rarely do. But there is one thing very surprising in these situations that I consistently do. I totally go out of my way to prove to the other person how right he/she is in misunderstanding me! Its a little crazy. None the less, I do it. I really dont like to be trusted too much by people who do not know me well. It seems to make the person more powerful and me more vulnerable! I see it more as a burden. Expectations mount. That too unnecessarily. So misunderstandings are those rare opportunities to actually make life simpler, free yourself of some burden. If there is any truth in whatever I thought was that person's trust in me, he/she will definitely not be taken away with
my crazy behaviour(adamant people I tell you) and will remain friends. The others who leave, help you grow. Actually there are many people whom I dearly cared for and even they left at some time, momentarily making me feel bitter, but made me think and feel deeply, made me grow and mature, made me much of that I am today. And there are some other people whom I cared immensely about, but I moved away, not forced by circumstances, but out of sheer choice,
to find myself.
So when I am not understood by people whom I care, it really hurts. When people whom I dont care enough for dont seem to understand, initially it does not feel good, but then I start enjoying it!

Transition..

Finally I have started enjoying things. Nothing much has changed. Same job, same people, same work, same old life. But I am most comfortable being myself. I no longer wish I was someone else. Yes, I still hope things can get better. I take care of myself, sleep well, treat myself with chocolates after a workout in the gym or when I have done well and streched/bent more than I thought I could in the yoga class. I no longer grudge people the way I did. "It happens" and move along. Thats one good thing about growing older. You are more in peace with being yourself. You tend to be more realistic. You know your limitations better. You know which challenges to take.

Ok,let me tell you somethings that I am really enjoying. I came early in the morning to office today and had my ever favorite vada(will I never get tired of it? hmmm), ofcourse with idli for breakfast, as usual. I was serving myself some chutney, when a guy took a spoon, then came back for another one. I smiled thinking he wanted to get a second look of me(Ya, if we havent met before, lemme tell you me is mirror breaking material...). I was just coming out of canteen. A guy was on phone and was saying "hmm 9". I again smiled to myself and was thinking "Out of?"... Ya such is life. In life changes happen, its all how you take it. There is only one thing in the world that you can really change - your attitude.