Of Love and Other Demons...

Author : Gabriel Garcia Marquez
Translated from the Spanish by Edith Crossman.
Pages : 160

Intense. Gripping. Moving.

A twelve year old Sierva Maria, daughter of a noble man - the Marquis, is bitten by a rabid dog. Months pass by, there are no signs of rabies. With a mother who hates and an indifferent father, she finds a family amidst the slaves and speaks many African dialects.
Rumors spread - about her being possessed by the demons when she shows no signs of rabies even after months.

The "authorities" gets involved and a young priest is made in charge of exorcising the evil spirits. As he gets to know her better, he realizes what the real demons are. A young man, a teenage girl. The more they spend time, the more they end up in love. And the world they inhabit, does not understand.

The narration is lyrical. Expressions like "..the enormous tolling of four o'clock sounded in the cathedral and resounded in his belly." and "...a tunic of coarse linen with patches worn thin by abuses of soap." made me wonder that such familiar knowledge of the senses could so wonderfully be translated to words and with such economy!

Very enjoyable.

This particular observation am going to make does not concern the review of this book - these days, am not sure of the exact reasons, but when I read/watch a story, I appreciate and accept it for what it is and have the patience to hang on - till it gets gripping. Hmmmm how nice is that!

Immortality...

Author : Milan Kundera

A few weeks, the first time I paid attention to the name Milan Kundera(In Pamuk’s – “The naïve and the sentimental novelist”), the Indian-ness of the name struck me. I was curious how I had missed an Indian writer who had impressed Pamuk. I wiki-ed and found he was actually Czech born. Later I started looking out for his books and the first one I found was “Immortality”.

First impression :  Great ideas thrown at you in randomness. On the cover is a review quote that says – “It will make you cleverer, maybe even a better lover. Not many novels can do that.” (The smart cover designer put in a place where a reader notices it despite the small font.) I was curious, “a better lover" of what!? I could not keep the book back, the question was too interesting not to pursue.

After a few chapters, when the seeming haphazard-ness of topics, thoughts, ideas – brilliant though when I considered them individually, I so deeply wished for some order, some chronology and some sense in the bigger picture terms. But I could not give up, nonetheless. What about the answer I was seeking. It took some effort to keep me going and I felt like a “wanna-be” intellectual trying to read something smart, just because it claims to be – and to seem smart and in the process hoping the book smartens you in some-way kind!

I, as a reader am very comfortable in my skin. I care not much about being an intellectual. I say so, because at a certain time, I strove to be one, but no more. I am more the fun kind of a reader – no strings attached, just seeking pleasure in the company of a book, if I could say so! I prefer reading anything that I can lay my hands on and interests me. I just want to read all kinds of interesting books just to see how it feels.

Cons:

It was like the novelist took no pain to arrange his thoughts. Just wrote them as it occurred to him(Was there no editor at all one wonders initially!), he keeps throwing Goethe, Beethoven, Bettina, Napoleon, Hitler, Stalin at you, amidst the actual characters – I take the liberty to use “actual” since the author himself talks of a heroine for his novel, and I refer to her and everyone related to her as the actual characters. References to history and Bible(Kundera suddenly mentions “Simon” like we all know him and you wonder who is Simon now, although from context I get what Kundera wants to say, I was plainly irritated by the suddenness! I look at the author when he writes in first person - like a good friend who takes me through the story introducing people I do not know and maintains that basic courtesy and not throw people and references at you like that! Or is it precisely so, that he thinks of you as a good friend, he takes the liberty to do so! J ).

I did not even know Goethe, Beethoven and Napoleon were contemporaries! I was only glad I knew they existed once! Then I suddenly find Goethe talking to Ernest Hemingway and give up all hopes of recollecting anybody from history correctly, when to my relief it turns out its an imaginary conversation they have in the other world!

There are some places where nothing seems to make sense, and you need to have patience! That’s one thing that this novel almost demands as a pre-requisite(if you are like me – a first time reader of Kundera i.e)!

Pros:

If you pursue with a little more patience, you will slowly get a hang of his narrative style and random references don’t annoy you anymore. It does not bother you if you don’t understand what Kundera is talking about when he seems to start off on something totally new thus far , because in the next few lines or paragraphs you know it will be made clear and he will give you more context eventually. And his references may be seem absurd, but on closer observation you don’t need to know history or Bible to get what he is saying – it’s the parallels he draws - between the people of then and now, of the situations then and now – and how what you say has been said before – someone else in history has been there and done that - how what you think has been thought before, what you feel has been felt before, that gesture – that facial expression – that feature- you think is unique to you, could be your mother’s or father’s or someone in your family tree so long ago before you, that you never got to see! When you get it, you go wow! 

His observations about many things change the way you feel about things. The way he talks about ‘life theme’(something like - even if you started your life all over again, it would more or less be the same, set around the same theme!) , how time is circular and how beautifully he puts it.

Brilliance! Great observations. That acute sense of humor! A joy to read! (All these appear at the back cover including “one of those great unclassifiable masterpieces that appear once every twenty years” – taken from book reviews, but these were my feelings as well – like the book says, what I have to say has been said before! :P)

You need to have patience for wonderful things to unfold and make sense to you. When it is in progress, it may or may not make any sense. Wait. Patience is a virtue. J

I was in no hurry to finish the book, I savored passages that I enjoyed - slowly, soaking the ideas, warming up to the brilliance and germinating thoughts. Mostly with a smile!

Some brilliant lines from the book. They are flavored with humor, that only makes the brilliance strike you with a smile.

Check these out:

“When someone is young, he is not capable of conceiving of time as a circle, but thinks of it as a road leading forward to ever-new horizons; he does not yet sense that his life contains just a single theme; he will come to realize it only when his life begins to enact its first variations.”

“…Nineteenth-century writers often ended their novels with marriage. This was not because they wanted to save the love story from marital boredom. No, they wanted to save it from intercourse!”

“I think, therefore I am is a statement of an intellectual who underrates toothaches. I feel, therefore I am is a truth much more universally valid, and it applies to everything that’s alive”.

“Many people, few ideas: we all think more or less the same, and we exchange, borrow, steal thoughts from one another. However, when someone steps on my foot, only I feel the pain. The basis of the self is not the thought but suffering, which is the most fundamental of all feelings. While it suffers, not even a cat can doubt its unique and uninterchangeable self. In intense suffering the world disappears and each of us is alone with his self. Suffering is the university of geocentricism.”

My take : Highly recommend it! Go ahead, enjoy! J

P.S: I found my answer to “a better a lover of what!?” question. Icing on the cake, indeed!

A favor...

Years ago, I wrote a post. It was a simple, yet profound idea.
Usually, I shy away from asking. Well, if "you dont ask the answer is always a 'no'".
Hmm so am going to do some asking to the Universe! :)
I am asking you - the reader, for a favor. I have been wanting something for a while now. Can you please pray for me? :) Thank you!

Lootera...

Movie : Lootera

Language : Hindi

Why did I watch : New release, a period movie set in 1950s around the time when Zamindari system got abolished, looked interesting from the promos.

(Why do I even have this section when I write movie reviews I wonder, I just love the theaters, the darkness, the big screens, the uninterrupted joy of watching the movie, the surround sound, the smell of popcorns, the promos before the movie starts! I love the experience of watching movies on the big screen! I anyway watch most of the new releases with a decent imdb rating.)

My take : A Zamindar in Bengal dotes on his only daughter - Pakhi, and tries his best to be the mother as well, whom she has lost.  A young archaeologist Varun comes along and asks the Zamindar for the permission to excavate around the temple with a golden idol, that belongs to the Zamindar. Turns out Varun is not who he claims to be, but unwittingly falls in love with the Pakhi. Torn between the “duty” of being a “looter” and a lover, the twists and turns of the story demand for a decision and he chooses duty, as he feels that is in the “best” interest of his lover.

The world, even in the 1950s was round, and of course they meet! What happens when they meet - does she take revenge or let go, does she love him or hate him – that consists the rest of the story.

There is a scene where you know their fate – Varun and Pakhi’s i.e, but with all your being you wish they could be together when you know however you see it, there is no way that is possible – that moment of absolute helplessness of the twisted fate of the two lovers and sincere wish against all odds, contradicting one another – I was almost in tears for Varun, although he is the bad guy!

The chemistry between Ranveer Singh and Sonakshi Sinha as Varun and Pakhi is quite good. There is a scene where they look at each other and exchange feelings worth several pages of dialogs. And you sigh, getting it all!

It is inspired from a O’Henry’s short story - “The last leaf”. I would say worth my while and money. Enjoyed the show.

The naïve and the sentimental novelist...

It is a series of lectures by Orhan Pamuk. I had read his books ‘Istanbul’ and ‘My name is red’, and ever since, loved the way he writes. This book is a personal account of what Pamuk thinks about how the novel is read and what goes through in the mind of the reader. He sometimes gives an academic background and sometimes gives insights about his own experiences while reading or writing a novel. The latter is what interests me more. I am also making a note of the books he seems very impressed with, for future reading.

This on the dedication page, made me smile - To Kiran Desai.

I could relate to a lot things I do as a reader, as I read through the first chapter – “What our minds do when we read novels”

- like I try to guess which part is fiction and which part is real in story based on the author’s own life experiences!

- I also take moral stands sometimes about the characters and at times it actually affects my pace of reading, I realized this influence after reflecting on what I read on the subject! I need to understand the characters for who they are to enjoy the story better. In future I got to remember this!

- at times I keep looking for hidden meaning in anything, even when there may be none!

- I imagine what may happen next while I am reading and sometimes am thrilled if it turns out some other way and sometimes disappointed.

- keep searching for that “core” of the novel .

The second chapter/lecture is called “Mr.Pamuk, did all this really happen to you?”. It deals with how readers sometimes speculate and to an extent believe that some facts about the protagonist of the novel is based on the author itself. Pamuk gives an anecdote from his experience.

The third chapter is called “Literary character, plot, time.  I found really interesting – “People do not actually have as much character as we find portrayed in novels, especially in nineteenth –and –twentieth –century novels.” He being a 57 year old at the time of writing this goes on to say “human character is not nearly as important in shaping our lives as it is made out to be in the novels...”. When I sometimes unconsciously compared myself to a character I was reading about in a novel, it would leave me dissatisfied, I kind of know now the reason!

While describing the role of a plot in a novel, he says that protagonists are not just invented. A novelist’s desire to explore a certain topic shapes the world of the protagonist. The writer tries to see the world through the protagonist and this could leave aspects of the writer in the protagonist as well vice-versa. Very, very interesting thoughts and to me they give a fresh perspective.

Words, picture, objects – in this chapter Pamuk talks about two kinds of writers – visual writers and verbal writers – based on whether the writer triggers the visual imagination of the reader or the textual imagination.

A chapter titled “Museums and Novels” draws parallels between museums and novels. J There are interesting observations on how a reader sometimes uses the novel she is reading to give a certain image.

“The center” deals the core of every novel. The kernel around which the narration evolves. He mentions as a writer, the techniques employed sometimes to make the center less evident while sometimes efforts are made to make it more evident. There are some philosophical thoughts about life and its meaning in the same context, about how the center is what the reader and the writer strive for in a novel and how that gives satisfaction to both.

It is not a book I would read in one shot. I was reading other stuff and would come back to read a chapter and take a break before returning to it.

Pamuk uses metaphors to get across certain aspects of the art of writing a novel– like a scene from Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, which he uses to compare finer aspects on novel writing, while another - classical Chinese landscape painting, he uses to bring out the “bigger-picture” aspects. There are several of these, but these were the ones used across the lectures, so I remember it.

Reading the book, has made me more of a conscious reader. I become aware now, when I am “judging” a character rather than understanding it. When I began reading the book, I thought I was the naïve kind of a reader, but gradually realized that am not solely of any kind, sometimes naïve and sometimes sentimental/reflective reader. I had not imagined a book on such a subject, since it has a more academic tone, to keep me absorbed! Pleasantly surprised indeed! J

Sawaar lu....haaye sawaar lu...

This song from the new release "Lootera" called "Sawaar lu" is so melodious and has an old world charm - sounds like a song from some Dev Anand movie. The simple lyrics, beats, the voice of the singer(Monali Thakur) - totally, a mesmerizingly beautiful song! It has a playfulness to it that makes me smile.

This part of the lyrics particularly caught my attention and I took an instant liking to those lines:

"Baramade puraane hain, nayi si dhoop hai

Jo palke khatkhata raha hai kiska roop hai

Shararatein kare jo aise bhoolke hijab

Kaise usko naam se, main pukar lu

Sawaar lu, sawaar lu"

The song picturization is also nicely done. 

Have been humming the song for a few days now...

Summertime...

Author: J M Coetzee

A young biographer - Vincent tries to construct the life of a deceased Nobel laureate - John Coetzee– at the time of which John was trying to establish himself as a writer, through his thirties - with a series of interviews of various people, mostly women. Vincent chooses these people based on John’s notes.

It is a reflective piece of fiction. Autobiographical to an extent.

My great take-aways:

o   The whole narrative is a series of interviews. Lovely conversations. Delightful insights. [This is what I feel - Conversations, interesting and engaging,  be it with a person or in a book, active or passively involved,  are one of the best indulgences of life. ]

o   The women interviewed seem very real. That goes to show the author has a great sense of observation and understanding of the human nature.

o   Great men, even a Nobel laureate for that matter, may have confusions, needs to sort of things to getter a perspective, may not be sure of his calling and lead a “boring” existence! Lives of great people may not be a series of exciting events. [ No one ever claimed so, just that as a child I expected life to be a series of fun adventures and exciting moments as an adult – the greater the person, the more I felt his/her life was interesting. Only life itself, literature and insightful interactions sobered me down to accept the plainness of adulthood and the ordinariness of life!]

o   John is an introvert [And it turns out, an introvert is not closed or cold when he starts writing!]. The book has interviews at first followed by notes of John. One of the points in the notes about dance can be linked back to the what a Brazilian woman thought were John’s undue advances (as shared in an interview) when he tried to learn dance from her! It is actually comical if you could link the two!

o   A grown man’s struggle to understand his own father, how without a woman the two men of the family have nothing to bond over and just co-habituate uncomfortably! He is ill at ease with people who are not ill at ease! He is a product of a damaged childhood, as his notes say. His relationships and expectations from women don’t seem natural, it takes effort on his part to even have them in his life, he is not sure if he belongs in their world and all of it is obvious to the women.

In the notes section there is a mention of one John’s lists titled – “Ways of doing away with oneself”.

If literature cannot open up to you the life in all its variations, and give a peek into minds and lives of people very different from yourself, what else would? Life is too short to know all kinds of people. And it is always a pleasure to read a book like this.

o   There are very interesting ideas, to ponder, muse about. Hmmmmmm. Thoughts and ideas that makes the reader feel like having a very intimate conversation with the author(of course the reader is a “good” listener here!)  are some of the best moments of reading a book. This is at the fag end of the book, and by then you know the kind of person John is. I was nodding, smiling and couldn’t agree more!

o   I love the cover picture of the book. This was what caught my attention first.

Enjoyed reading the book a great deal. A delight. Makes me wish living was as pleasurable an experience as reading a well written book! J

Now you see me....well, I almost did!

Movie : Now you see me

Language : English

Why did I watch the movie : New release, promo was too good!

My take: Very interesting idea – four magician loot a bank and distribute the loot among the audience, during a magic show in Las Vegas! There is no evidence that the police can use against them. The movie begins with a series of interesting magic tricks by the 4 magicians, and you as audience would be thrilled! Then the 4 of them meet and magic tricks at a grander scale happen and wow you. 

Then comes the climax. It seems so hurried. You would be eager to know how the earlier “magical” stuff would get explained and you are waiting. More or less you are left with the same feeling even at the end of the movie! Except for the last 15-20mins, the movie is wonderfully exciting. Liked all the magic. J

Beauty and the wrath - in the beautiful lands...

Have been reading reports of the floods in Uttarakhand over the past 15-20 days. I had been there last August and a week or two before I went there were flash floods. But I never imagined the magnitude of floods to be as it is now.

While I was there I had seen land slides, fallen bridges, the tar of the roads swept away by rains make the rides bumpy. Had experienced the perils of driving in the rainy weather on the winding narrow roads sitting next to the driver in a small bus. On one side was a mountainous “wall”, that could give way anytime and rain boulders, stones, pebbles and soil, and anything that the loosened earth from the rains had in it, which was just yielding to gravity. On the other side were the deep valleys, beautiful for an onlooker but if the vehicle lost control, hardly anything recognizable could be retrieved.

Can you spot the road there?!

Rubble from a land slide...

Life there is not easy like in the plains, everyday is an adventure if you think about it. The most beautiful picturesque river can wash everything in the way if the rains persist. I remember so distinctly sitting on the banks of river Ganga in Haridwar, just keeping my legs in the water sitting on the steps – that itself kind of scared me, because the current of the river was so strong and just the immersion of a few centimeters of myself was enough to make me feel like being carried away by the mighty river. I am talking of the calmer times of the river when the river was flowing well within the danger limits. Imagining the ferocity of the river during the floods is plain scary.

A bridge view of civilization on the banks... 

Some say the calamity is man-made, deforestation loosens the soil, the washed away soil increases the level of the water in rivers, the rivers gets ruthless almost to the extent of wiping out the very civilization it had created around the banks.

My sincere wish is to preserve the forests, rivers, valleys, lakes and mountains of Uttarakhand, it is the land of a lot of the most beautiful places on earth. 

Engulfing beauty - a blissful feeling!

I have had spiritual experiences just looking at the wonderful natural wonders here. May peace and green prevail.

Picturesque journeys, happy memories! 

Raanjhana...

Movie      : Raanjhana

Language : Hindi

Why did I watch it: New release, good reviews

My take   : I am not sure if it is that if I like a movie on big screen, I more often than not, like it – but I felt I liked this movie. There was something very convincing about the script – as to why the characters take those crucial decisions to alter the course of the story, there were some surprising moments when the medium of connect was more verbal than visual – some amazing dialogs(there were a good number of gaalis also, I couldn’t follow them all though!).

There are some good performances –Dhanush - I actually disliked, liked, sympathized, sort of disappointed and finally kind of adored the character of Kundan, the protagonist – if an actor can so convincingly do all that to the audience he must have done a good job. There is nothing portrayed about Kundan that is larger than life, since this is his first movie that am watching I did not even have an image in mind to cast him into, and he surprised me, pleasantly. Sonam Kapoor – looks like the lady can act as well, I am a fan of her dressing sense, but this is her first movie that I watched in the theater. She comes across as a determined Zoya, a bubbly girl, who at times is helpless, at times ambitious, in love but who definitely keeps her scores. She seems sincere, but her deepest agendas are hidden. Shrewd yet vulnerable. Abhay Deol has a small role as Zoya’s love interest, he does a neat job.Also, I liked the role of Kundan's friend.

The story is mostly set in Varanasi or Benaras. The backdrop of Ganga, Aarati going on, temples makes it nice to watch. 

I must say more than 80% of the time I found the movie engaging, but there are moments when the flow is disruptive –may be there are no loose ends in terms of logic, but there is abruptness in the flow. Feels like the film gives too much emphasis on the lead characters at times, making the rest of the cast foggy.

There was a time when I could never sympathize recklessness of people in love,wanting to be with the one they love the most,  particularly when one of two involved is not as keen, – I would wonder how can people be so selfish and how they cannot care what the society would perceive them to be - it is actually strange given that I am able to sympathize about that when am older! I mention this as I only sympathized with Kundan for what he does on Zoya's big day, which indeed surprised me! I judged him ofcourse given the situation, but then somehow could see why he did that - the screenplay ensured that!

I liked the song "Tum tak, tum tak". Melodious and nicely pictured. I cant recollect any other song! 

I liked the last scene, the last narrative Kundan gives! Beautifully written.  

Would say, go watch it, it is different, you may even like it!

The lord of the rings…

         

A friend recommended that “The lord of the rings” is a wonderful book/movie – told me about ents, hobbits, Aragorn, Gandalf, Legolas and nazguls and got me interested. I had tried watching the movie earlier and somehow could not get much of what was happening. If there is a movie or a book in the world not worth missing, I would want to definitely check it out. So I picked up the book, the size was not very encouraging. Till Frodo meets Aragorn the story seems somewhat slow, and the weight of the book bothered my wrists. After that I could not be at peace till I read the book and watched the 3 part movie. Wow, what a story and how brilliantly told. When I read that Gandalf goes into the darkness in “The fellowship of the rings”, I randomly opened some page ahead of where I was and looked for the word “Gandalf”. Only after confirming that he will reappear did I continue reading. I wouldn’t have read further if he wasn’t there! The story is all about hope and friendship and believing in good. The spirit is amazing and the characters are delightful.

I liked how Frodo overcame the evil influence of the ring, was moved by Sam’s faithfulness, loved Gandalf for all that he was, for being there when anyone needed him and being so wise and guiding them all. Aragorn is very real, very brave but has a lot of self doubt. When the time comes, he musters all the courage he can find and conquers his doubts and does not give up hope throughout. He trusts deeply and lets go when needed. Very human, his goodness is the only super power he has. Pippin and Merry are two most delightful hobbits and the episodes with Treebeard are so entertaining. The hobbits in general are such simple creatures and in the movie the Shire is shown to be such a wonderful place. Loved it more than where the elfs lived. Many characters create a lasting impression. Even Gollum creates a lasting impression, with his creepy possessiveness of his “precious” and the constant battle he has with the good side. His self talk, as shown in the movie is scary and interesting at the same time.

I initially had a notion that fantasy was not what I enjoyed reading. I am not sure how I got the idea. I used to think the same many years ago about science fiction until I got hooked to Doctor Who series. And it is surprising given that I while reading these books I half believe that they happened and in general I believe in miracles and have a very active imagination, sometimes dwell in imaginary stuff for so long that, I feel alien in the real world!

It is one the nicest books I have read. The movies are beautifully made and it is a very good adaptation of the book. Loved reading and watching it.

A big thank you to the friend for suggesting it.

One thing that I have in common with the hobbits is the fool’s hope, like Gandalf puts it! J

Yeh jawaani, hein deewani...

Movie : Yeh jawaani hein deewani

Language : Hindi

Why did I watch it : New release (well not so new, released 3 weeks ago), Big fan of Ranbir.

My take : It is a simple love story, first half is fun, second half is somewhat an emotional drama. I felt only Ranbir’s character – Bunny is somewhat complete – he is flawed, he is selfish, fun loving, wants a lot from life – and like he says – he wants “Raftaar” – “chalna hein, bhaagna hein, girna bhi hein, magar rukhna nahi hein”. With all his flaws he is real. Deepika’s role as Naina is not substantial I felt. She has done a good job as a girl who wants simple things in life. The two meet, fall in love and meet again after 8 years, now, mature and well aware of how different they are and how different their expectations are from life. Naina tells Bunny – “It is not like you are wrong or I am right, it is just that we are very different from each other”. The conversations between Bunny and Naina are interesting. In the end all gets rosy abruptly! J I am not complaining of the rosy part though!

Aditya Roy Kapoor as Avi seems to be struggling with his dialogs, I had expected more from him. He looks intense and seemed promising in “Guzaarish”. Kalki fits her role.  Kunal Roy Kapoor is somewhat delightful, despite the stupid dance moves!

Ranbir dances like a dream and kept my heart racing. His dance number with Madhuri is awesome. I loved the song - “Badtameez dil” the most. Oh man! “Balam pichkari” and “Delhi wali girlfriend” songs are catchy and are also choreographed well. The music is quite good. My expectations were quite high from the promos and because it has Ranbir, but the film is ok. Ranbir makes it worthy of a watch. 

Man of Steel

Movie : Man of steel

Language : English

Why did I watch it : New release, good IMDB rating. Otherwise also, I would have watched as I feel that it has been a long time since I went to the movies. I like watching movies in the theater! And 3D movies give me a child like excitement for some unknown reason!

My take : The movie was in 3D, but the effects weren’t 3D worthy. I have not watched the previous Superman movies. I liked Superman’s costume and he is kind of hot, like someone says in the movie. The action is good. Liked Russell Crowe. The movie was cold and dark like the movie hall (they had made the place too cold for my liking, wonder why!). Jokes apart, it is good watch if you like action movies.

THE thought...

A thought occurred to me and the reluctance to put it down in words could not be successfully passed off and so I had to write it down. It is rare that such a thing happens.

The thought is that - 'I could end up alone' is not pessimistic. It is usually followed by "I could die alone"! But somehow things did not take melodramatic turns today. The second statement may just be a logical conclusion to the first, but it is enough to engulf me in self pity and make me sad. And tell me, who dies in company?! I seemed more realistic today. As in, the thought is just a possibility, like anything else in life. And as far as I can remember, for the first time I am thinking about it as a matter of factly and not with a sad heart. Many friends who know me wonder why I have not found a companion, I come across as an optimist(sometimes too optimistic for some peoples' taste!), friendly, jovial and mostly good-natured. Even I, mostly perceive myself so. But there is a high possibility that I may truly be all this but may not have that key ingredient to be with a companion. It may just not be in my nature, so I may not even be aware, that such a thing does not exist! And somehow today it seems more like an observation than a passing sulking thought. And I seem to be at peace with the thought - if it is so, so be it. Usually the moment I get such thoughts, I label them "bad" and try to banish them by trying to "cheer" myself up and think "positively". But today there seemed nothing necessarily negative about the thought and I entertained and played with the idea for a while and got out of it without a "depressing feeling".

I may not have facebook-worthy happiness to flaunt, but I am at peace and minding my own business, and the fact that I can actually appreciate other peoples "facebook-worthy" happiness without pangs of anxiety or jealously seems a big deal. I do not know if this is a passing mood or the wisdom to acknowledge the ways of life, but it seems to be an ok place to be.

The two most resistive ideas that made me wonder if I really want to put these thoughts down were a) if I continue this train of thought, what if I end up getting really depressed? b) if I put these thoughts down, what if they come true - as in what if I end up being alone, while my deepest desire is to be happy with a wonderful companion. I wanted to tell myself that it was ok to think through possibilities and thinking about it in such a way would cause me no harm. I also wanted the future me to know that I was ok back then, which is now! :)

June...

June has been kind of a special month during my growing up years. Unlike many kids, I was very eager to get back to school after the summer holidays. (We did not have exams till Class 7, that may explain the strange phenomenon!). I enjoy environments where there is hardly any attempt to enforce restrictions. I do have limitations which cause restrictions - but that are my own realities, some even imagined, but still my own. Anything enforced is not often appreciated! So school that way was fun in my growing up years.

June also happens to be the month, we moved to our own house and I remember some ceremonies on that day very distinctly. I was only 11 and the frock that I had worn on the day remained a favourite for quite a while although I outgrew it within a very short time!

There is also my parents wedding anniversary in June. Over the years, I do not remember it being celebrated grandly, although it is special for the family. This year is it was very special. My parents became grand parents on the very day. That made the day indeed grand! We had a new arrival to the family - my little nephew! I am not sure how much people change when they become parents or grand parents - rather it is the priorities that may change more than the people themselves. I had not thought about how having a nephew would influence me, I had just thought it would be fun having a baby in the family. I have been wondering about it last couple of days and have a faint feeling that something may have actually changed!

When I held him for the first time in my arms it was a strange happy feeling. That was the first time I was seeing a baby minutes after birth. I was very curious. He was crying when the nurse handed him to me and he stopped crying as soon as he was in my arms. I was very surprised that the nurse thought I could handle such a precious little baby. I was a little scared, but when he stopped crying and seemed content in my arms, I was amazed and joyous at the same time. Did he understand that sense of belonging? Why did he stop crying? That very gesture made the moment special, and it is going to stay with me. I plan to tell him this when he grows up! :) "I love you kiddo. "

Lead, kindly light...

I got to know about tut.com from a friend's blog. I subscribed for the notes from the universe and have enjoyed reading it ever since. Today I did not receive the note at the usual time. I kind of missed it. I checked mails much later in the evening and kept smiling reading it.

This is what the note said:

The answer to every question beginning with "Why," pratibha, begins with "Because, I love you." 

Actually, I love you anyway - 
    The Universe


I have quite a bit common with the way the Universe seems to "think". The note kind of seems to answer some of the questions I have had in the recent past!

Camera!

My room was getting painted and my dad told me that he found his old camera in my cupboard. The description did not ring a bell. When he described it, I said that was the one I played with as a child. Turns out that it is a German made camera which is not a toy - and I and my sister played with it as if it was one! The Agfa click 3 model was bought by my dad in the early 1970s it seems. I happen to own a cool old camera! :)

The black thread around it was tied by us when we were children!

Malegalalli Madhumagalu...

Saw Kannada play "Madhugalalli Madhumagalu"(translates to "The bride in the hills") based on Kuvempu's novel by the same name. The story is set in Malenadu region of Karnataka. It was about 8 hours long. Started at 8.30pm in the evening and completed at 5.30 am the next day. It was an amazingly beautiful experience.

(Stage #2)

More details of the play: Directed by C.Basavalingaiah, the play is performed on 4 different stages at as many locations within the Jnanabharathi campus. Am told there were about 70 artists in the entire performance.

There was a small break of about 15 mins during which the audience moves with the performers to the next stage. There were also refreshments available. The tickets were priced only at Rs. 100 and the bookings could be done online.

There was also a sale of Kannada books with a 20% discount at a mobile bookstore at the venue. I wanted to check them out at the end of the play, but did not. Turned out I was too tired for anything after the play. So would recommend to go early and take a look at the books.

(Stage #3)

The Music :  The music needs a special mention as is an essential component of the play. It is done by the famous Kannada music director Hamsalekha. The songs are very apt, some of them are quite catchy and are used to set the stage for the next part of the play. As there are several characters in the play and moving back and forth between them may confuse the audience.So the  a song would be used to either set or switch a context. Some songs are intelligently used for a (set of) character(s).

(This was almost dawn as you can see, this was stage #4)

Backdrop of the play: The story is set in Malenad of the late 19th Century(got this info from Wiki, have not read the book though). There are the landlords and their slaves. The play revolves around the social aspects at the time, the communal harmonies and tensions, the love life of the lead characters - Mukundayya and Chinnakka, Aitha and Pichlu, Naayi Gutthi and Thimmi. There is an interesting take on religious aspects, how there were attempts to convert and how some of the locals resisted it. The play also depicts of exploitation of the women and how some of them fought back in spite of it - there is a scene where a wife is being beaten by the husband for supporting the daughter to run away with the man she loved - the wife suddenly acts like she is possessed by a Goddess and the man suddenly stops beating and prostrates before her. The wife seems to say what she intended to say through the Goddess, in a way that seems like empowerment of some kind in those times!

Some trivia: 
The play is performed on four different stages - Kereangala ranga (which has a small pond as part of the stage!), Bidirumale ranga, Bayaluranga and Hongeranga. The audience would move with the artists every couple of hours to the next stage location. This is the first of its kind play that I have watched and am so thrilled!

(Stage #1 - with the small pond)

The rainy season is beautifully depicted. There were larger than life depictions of leech and dung beetles used to capture the sense of Malenad. There are several instances in the play where the characters experience leech bites and this aspect had to be brought out. In a play it is difficult to show these finer aspects, but these huge reproductions of the small creatures of the rain drenched areas was beautifully done.

The play introduces the bicycle as "Bisokal"(which in Kannada means a grinding stone) - as that is how the locals pronounce. It is funny how a man is taught to ride the bicycle and to see the reaction of the people on seeing it for the very first time. They seem so fascinated by it.

The play has a bunch of narrators who keep coming now and then and introduce the audience to all the characters and steer the direction of narration. They would often sing songs to narrate.

(The narrators)

My fav artists:
Liked the artists of Gutthi's dog - Gutthi naayi as it is called. It was actually done by an artist who played a near perfect dog! The artist who played Aitha did a brilliant job with emoting and body language. Most of the artists did a very good job. I did feel sleepy around 3am, but for no fault of the artists! It is better if you could nap before going to watch the play. I did fall asleep for a few minutes now and then during the third and final parts of the play. But I could still get the entire story line :)

It was a one of its kind play and am so glad I watched it. Quite a challenge to adapt the novel to the stage and how brilliantly was it done! Kudos!

Some Pop music...

Am listening to some Pop music these days, of the 1940s and 50s. The lyrics are simple and the music quite nice to the ear.

These are some that I liked:

- This one is from Mills brothers called "You always hurt the one you love".
- There is a catchy number from Nancy Sinatra, quite sassy 'These Boots Are Made for Walkin'. The video is fun to watch too! :) (This one turns out to be from the 60s)
-This one will keep you nodding your head rhythmically to "Rum and Coca-cola" from the Andres sisters.
- "Just walkin in the rain" from Johnnie Ray is so wonderfully worded and performed in this one! Loved it.

Silence...

Sleepy cool morning. Cloudy weather. Gentle breeze from overhead fan. Office cafeteria. Having breakfast. The conversation - mundane, and then, one statement caught my attention- “If there is silence, I try as much as possible to keep it intact.” I sat there smiling and wondering the beauty of the thought and how simple yet profound it is. 

Guzaarish...

Movie name : Guzaarish
Language : Hindi

It is a deeply moving sad story of a magician, who becomes paralyzed neck down, due to an accident during a magic show. He tries to find the zest to live, keep himself alive with purpose and even writes an inspiring book. After about 12 years, he wants to put an end to his suffering, when his health deteriorates further, he wants to die in dignity and goes to court with an appeal for Euthanasia. He has a very loving care taker and nurse. They have a very strange relationship. She initially tries to dissuade from his ideas of Euthanasia. Its heartening to see a love story unfold, the helplessness of the two people in love. It doesnt make sense to be in love, given that they met each other as a patient and nurse, but then that is how people are. A love so strange and may be thats why it seems so divine and beautiful and senseless, all at once. It is going to affect you very much, for sure.

One more, done...

I was hoping to write a post everyday this month. Of course I lack the discipline to do so, but have managed 30 posts, including this. This is the second blogothon of writing 30 posts a month. Yaaay to me!
I hope in future I attempt to improve my writing skills instead of meeting the number of posts for the month. But writing everyday is a little difficult as it depends on my mood, some days I dont pay enough attention to things, so may not find anything that interests me enough to write about. Then there was a day when I couldnt just stop writing sad poems! It was very surprising, given that a) I dont write poems b) I cant be sad for too long, it sucks!
Anyway, "yaaaaay", its done!

Focus...

I often wonder about what having "focus" is about. For one, it would be nice to have a little more of it. Let me explain. Well, I want somethings. But I have vague ideas of either the 'wanting' or the 'something'. I do not dwell on things until I have to. So I feel there is not enough planning. What is the harm? It makes me feel like I am drifting, while with some focus I could decide where and how I would want to reach. Drifting is passive, while focus would make the movement more in control. hmmm

Two lives...

Cant get enough of Seth these days. Vikram Seth, that is. Started reading "Two Lives". It is based on Seth's maternal grand uncle - Shanti Uncle and his German wife - Auntie Henny, who lived in London. The narrative is in first person and in the introductory chapter gives an account of young Vikram's studies, back packing travels through Europe, how he got interested in the Oriental (it goes something like - he wanted to attend Japanese classes and ended up in Chinese class and then was hooked!), how his books - 'The Heaven Lake', 'The Golden Gate' and 'The Suitable Boy', came about. 

Having read 'The suitable boy'(TSB), I can figure out certain resemblances to people he describes in his life to some aspects of some characters of the novel. Am actually thrilled to read first hand account of how these initial books came about. Getting it from the horse's mouth makes an interesting read. 

I had found that the plot of his novel TSB, has history of the time interwoven with the plot. The same is true for 'Two lives' also. The narration is engaging and in a very conversational tone. 

Way to be...

Why dont I write about things happier?
Stop brooding about things that are crappier.

The thoughts sent to the world,
come back to you,
Let me give wonderful,
Let me get wonderful.

For wonderful is the way to be,
And hope is the way to see.


P.S: This was written after a series of 'sad' poems some days ago!

Badtameez dil...

Oh, I just loved this song the moment I saw it. Its catchy, lots of beats, fun and of course has Ranbir in it. He dances so well and expressions are so cute. And the lyrics seem to go well with his playful and chilled out image!(With lyrics like "Ayaashi ke one way se khuDko modna jaane naa, kambal bewajah sharam ka, oDhna jaane naa") :P The song sounds quite retro and very zindadil. Makes me want to dance! Looking forward to the movie...

When I first saw Ranbir in Saavariya promos, I thought he has a longish horse like face! Now I find him quite good looking! Things change. Hmm they do. 

The Croods...

Movie name : The Croods

Language : English

Why did I watch it : New release, animation and 3D, decent IMDB rating, and more than anything - the promos had looked so cute! 

My take : It is a cute animation movie of a caveman family.  There is a girl who is keen on exploring and a very protective father who emphasizes on being scared to be alive. Its a story of survival when the Croods lose their cave to an accident and have to rely on this cool Guy(his character is also called Guy) full of ideas to survive the new terrains and how they finally make it. Life is not just staying alive or not being dead, its about exploring and finding light - that is what the movie seems to say. It is super cute, very comical and the landscapes although animated, are breathtakingly beautiful, the 3D makes it more fun. Go watch it! :)

Urban shots...

Just read a collection of short stories - Urban shots - written by 18 Indian writers. Short stories,are by far my most favorite form of literature. And a collection of short stories is always inviting. I picked the book because it was, well urban, more local and I browsed through the book and the short stories were really quite short. I liked some, I did not like some. But it is a good effort. The plots are mostly love stories even the ones under friendship(there are various themes/sections the book is divided into), with an urban twist, feels like some of the characters resemble someone you know,  and given that they roam around in Jayanagar, Marathalli, M.G.Road and all, for the stories set in Bangalore, you wonder if you know them as well! :P

A deluge...

Why are they missed?
When they were, were they cherished?
Why are changes resisted?
Why are unknowns feared?

Why are pasts regretted?
Why are futures fretted?
Why are people blamed?
Why are those dreams tamed?

Why are there only questions?
Would life be any better with answers?

Trains, of thoughts and of stations...

Its 1 a.m, is it late night or early morning?
Sleepless, wonder where the train is going.

What if the tracks give way,
What if a big boulder gets in the way?!

Imagination is the limit, it feels,
To all the possibilities that could go wrong.

Hold those thoughts, say a prayer,
What is meant to, will anyway occur.
Incoherence lulls, tiredness engulfs,
Darkness transforms, comfort seeps, sleep thankfully soothes.

Dealings, feelings and all that BS...

Dealing with self, one must learn,
For times get lonely, life aint so fun.

Untamed feelings can cage,
thoughts torment, fancies engage.

Wonder why take anything serious,
Stay calm and still, hoping this too shall pass.

Easier said than done,
Have to pay the price, not everything can be undone.

Tiredness of spirit...

Cant rest enough,
Cant find that spring of energy,
That I thought would never dry.

But the heat of summer has taken its toll,
For I am restless and without a soul.

How would the spring replenish?
No respite? Is rain the only hope?
Meanwhile, how do I wait, how do I cope!

Farmville...really?! me!?

Well, I do not usually play online games, I do not know if that is what people say before getting hooked to them. I used to play some criminal investigation game, but that was rarely and dint find it interesting or did not continue to play till it got interesting. I got a bunch of requests for Framville on FB, was reluctant but kept getting them, just wanted to check it out and now am into online farming and crazily so(sounds so pathetic, reminds me of an episode from Big bang theory where Penny is hooked to online gaming...huh!)! Ok whatever, I have to get back to my farm now...

hmmm wondering again....

Sometimes its so difficult to keep going. Wonder what will help...

And the journey begins...

Is life just a series of experiences? Surprises randomly thrown at you one after another, some pleasant, some not so much. You feel you have learnt something, but the same situation never arises again. There is logic to rely on. There is a rational self. Really? Or are you just trying to make sense of all the randomness of the world to remain sane as that seems the only way a thinking being can exist? If you were given all that you thought would make you happy, you still would not be. Why? Because you are made for randomness. The unchanging world would bore you. You are not made for certainty.

Sometimes you end up where you started. Is that not futile?

How is it futile? After a trip, don’t you go back home? Reaching where you started from only means the trip is over, but the trip could definitely have been fun. 

You just need to stop being a control freak. Don’t most wonderful experiences  happen when you let things be, when you are ready to accept whatever happens with an open mind(well, you may be tired to try other "choices" at the time and so may have given in to accepting things, but whatever, the truth remains). Rationalising is sometimes just BS. There is no fun reaching anywhere. It is just in the seeking, exploring, knowing, feeling, believing. The journey. That is all there is.

Kada...

I got this Kada (bangle) in Uttarakhand, on my way to Hem Kund Saheb the Sikh pilgrimage place. I was there on a trekking trip and bought it because it looked beautiful. It happened to my birthday that day(actually I planned to attend the trip as I wanted to be close to the Himalayas on my birthday and had heard a lot about the valley flowers, which I had been wanting to do for quite sometime). It was a very difficult trek, but I got a lot of encouragement from the pilgrims. One old man told me "Beta, take small steps and keep going, do not stop, the lord will take care of the rest". There were people offering glucose powder to other people and initially I was surprised and politely declined the offer, then I realised we all had a goal and that was to reach the top of the hill - such things only made one realise that it may be totally upto each of us to climb, but knowing that there are other people doing the same, smiling and sharing equips us emotionally. Doing arduous physical tasks needs as much of a strong mind and right attitude. It was a wonderful feeling to realise and reaching the beautiful top of Hemkund Saheb is a very fond memory and gave me a sense of accomplishment. The serene pond at the top of the hill is breathtakingly beautiful.

This Kada reminds me of the spirit of that day. I feel "I can" when I see it.

Its sad...

I wish marathons are spared. People run for the joy of it. I had the Boston marathon on my to do list. And I feel so sad by what happened there. My prayers to everyone who ran the marathon and braved the odds. 

Thindi Beedi (ತಿಂಡಿ ಬೀದಿ )...

There is a famous street in V V Puram, Bangalore called “Thindi Beedi”(which means food street in Kannada). This is a must visit place for any food lover. Went yesterday evening there and it was crowded as usual. The shops are quite small and there is a crowd almost outside every shop. There are some temples also on the road. It is not a long stretch, but you get lots of chaats and “thindi”s  there. Bajjis, bondas, pakodas, all kinds of chaats – Bhel puri, pani puri, masala puri, cutlet chaat etc, variety of dosas, rottis, desi cool drinks like masala lime soda and the list is just endless. I regret not taking a picture as the post idea occurred much later. 

Tales...

Reading Vikram Seth got me interested, yet again, to read more Indian authors. There is a different feeling reading an Indian author. There is something more familiar about the characters or setting or the place or something with the history that sometimes strikes a chord.

So I picked up Rohinton Mistry's collection of short stories - Tales from Firozsha Baag. I have read a couple stories and it seems to be a sneak peek into the lives of Parsi families living in a Mumbai aprtment building - Firozsha Baag. After reading a fat book, a bunch of short stories were what I needed the most!

The big fat book gets read...

I completed reading Vikram Seth's "A suitable boy". What a wonderful book. I took several weeks to finish it and yes, it was pleasurable experience despite the fact that it can cause good amount of discomfort to the wrist(the sheer bulk of the book makes you want to lie down to read) and the eyes(for the small font which makes it difficult to read while on the move).

The book is set in early 1950s and gives a glimpse of the political and social set up at the time woven into the story of a mother trying to find a suitable boy for her young daughter. I was very interested in how the girl decides whom to marry among her three suitors and how she comes to the decision. In between when I gave into the temptation of finding out whom she marries,went to the end of the book and found out,  I was a tad bit disappointed,  but by the time I read through at the normal pace, I totally understood her decision. It seemed the most natural choice and the way that is driven home is beautiful. Loved reading it.

Ugadi is here...

It is the beginning of a new year in the Hindu calender, called Ugadi or Yugadi and this year is called "Vijaya nama Samvatsara". A mixture essentially made of jaggery and neem flowers and buds along with other ingredients is shared among the members of the family, friends and neighborhood wishing that may the person receiving it take joys and sorrows of life with equanimity in the coming year. A beautiful thought in deed. Happy Ugadi! :)

Smiles, warm and bright...

People gifted with bright smiles,
Make mornings seem sunnier and evenins warmer,
Is it true that all it takes is a smile
To make a difficult moment bearable?

Do I care?

Tired. Not interested in anything, whatsoever...

Life and Candy floss problems...

There is this thing about life. Problems are sometimes like candy floss. They appear big and too much to handle. But if you try to bite there is hardly anything. So basically you need to have the courage to sooner or later attempt to take a bite and get a taste of what that "big" problem is even to figure out the magnitude. And if it turns out to be candy-floss-big, just be thankfully surprised and enjoy the discovery. And yes, move on. 

Women and the world...

I read somewhere that most of the work in the world gets done by women. And surely it did not surprise me. But as I also notice many women do not mind not getting credit for all the work done, however excellently. It is more like an acceptance that the world is surely an ungrateful place.  This may be a smarter way to live, much better than getting angry about the insensitivity followed by helplessness. It is easier changing your attitude than the world's, you see. And of course modesty is a supreme virtue of women or that is the expectation.

I saw a woman in an old sari with a bag skillfully balanced on head and another bag in her hands get into the public bus. One of the ladies sitting closer to the door tried to help her. Only two seats were occupied by women of the entire section of the bus reserved for women. Even when pointed out that the woman with the bags should get a place to sit none of the men seemed to budge, the woman did not demand either. Going from the woman's appearance and that of her bags it was evident that she was neither rich nor educated, may be a laborer, which made those men assume there was no need to oblige, as if those qualifiers were needed to make her woman enough than she already was, to deserve a seat!

And why is it a man’s world? Because young boys learn from example that its easier or rather no harm being a jerk as women don’t mind being treated shabbily at times, and one could get away with bad behavior without any fear of punishment? And that although all people are equal, there seems no harm in assuming that women can be treated inferior without any cause of regret or reproach? With lack of role models and women tolerating the nonsense or just not taught that they are no less equal, feminism, I wonder at times, seems more of an educated woman’s way of making herself feel better, make herself seem like a thinking person and give a hope of changing something someday to make things better for herself. But with so many small things working against you, it is an ardent task to keep a faith in such thoughts. 

Shiva trilogy...

I thought I wasnt a sucker for these new age stories based on mythology. I reluctantly started reading "The immortals of Meluha" after a few months after it got released. Then even when the second book got published there was some reluctance and I dint remember the first story completely. I was in no mood to go back and read the first part in order to follow the second one. No way! I found out there was no need to re-read. Finally I just happened to find a copy of "The secret of the Nagas", in the local library and picked it up. I read it in four days flat! I must give some credit to the author for making it a sure page turner. The plot keeps you glued. There is some philosophy thrown in. Some conversations are interesting.  The characters are more human than godly, as in with all flaws that humans can be associated with and the author has tried to reason out scientifically the various attributes that were given to these men and women which has made them appear exceptional and godly over the centuries.
You agree on some and find some amusing and even ridiculous. Even inspired by Bollywood! There is one character called "Bappiraj" who wears a lot of gold and is short(and was he stout also?! cant remember now!). No guesses for whom the author got inspired from. Come on, such cliche!
The cover designs are quite interesting, am a person who does pick books for whats on and written at the back of the covers.
Am actually looking forward to reading the last part of the trilogy. May not be books I would want to read again and again. But a new genre for sure that interests me. 

TV surfing...

Saw "The terminal" again after a long time. Love this movie. There is something very basic in the movie I can connect to. There are lots of people who cannot speak English and I know many personally. It is a very touching story of one such person who comes to New York to fulfill a promise and how he does it against all odds is so moving. The scenes where he watches what is happening in his country and tries to find out by trying to read and make sense of the headlines appearing at the bottom of news channels and asking desperately to people in the only language he knows, puts a lump in my throat and I so badly want to be there helping Tom Hanks character with the translation. The end somehow makes me feel good about things.


I watched "Ek mein aur ek tu" in parts. Sort of liked the movie. Not sure if I liked it because I watched in parts! Cute characters, movie seems a mocktail of sorts, in the sense reminds you of quite a few movies :P  Yeah, I liked it.

Namma metro...

Finally went on Namma metro. The ride from Byappanahalli to M G Road took about 13 mins! A BIG Wow for Bangalore standards of traffic, which makes it almost impossible to give any estimate of how long would it take from point A to B.

Kitten smitten...

Early in the morning,

Doggie was growling.

Difficult to complete the rest in rhyming,

so yes, was glad, cute little kittens on finding. 

Order of life...

Binding, limiting, abiding yet colourful,

Like the order of life.

P.S: Yesterday I had this idea to have another one-post-a-day blog marathon for the entire month, like I did last June. This time I thought I could make it more creative and challenging(given am a very Prose person) with pics and some poetry or rather attempt poetry. Hmm I feel this is rather lame post, paper clips and some ridiculous attempt at poetry! But I dont want to kill the buzz on the second day itself. Let me see how it turns out to be.