April 10, 2017

Religious? Don't think so...

I sometimes wonder if I am really spiritual. I have a way of philosophizing life and making it easy to digest and be hopeful. But can I follow practices every single day and have a connection with the higher form of existence you would call God? I dont think so. I lack the discipline and the bent of mind.

As a kid I used to be clumsy with most things, particularly when someone is watching. During festivals, my mother used to watch over me when I went near the puja room so that I do not spill stuff and be careful and that sort. I somehow developed a dislike for religious things. If I needed watching over I would rather not want to be doing it. It is not like I dont pray or believe in God. It actually depends in the frame of mind I am in.  There have been times when I have tried to prove I can be religious and all, but truly I am not. I can concentrate and pray for a few seconds. Beyond that my thoughts drift to how that kumkum is making my finger tips dry and how I want to wash it off quickly, or all those flowers used for the decoration, that lizard on the wall, that dozing uncle at the far corner of the temple, how sweaty and uncomfortable the traditional dress makes me feel, then the thoughts go far beyond the temple and God to mundane stuff like did I pay that bill, was the geyser switched off, "oh I am already hungry..how long will this go on for" and what not....

They say as people grow older they become more spiritual or when people face difficulties they get more inclination towards God. I am not sure. Somewhere earlier I was making that effort to try and be religious, but that I feel is beyond me. Sometimes in difficult times I would rather drown myself in a good book than sit and pray or meditate. For me when I am happy I would like to read something, when I am sad I would surely want to read something. May be spirituality is not for book worms. On the lighter note,  may be because of all the spiritual books I read as a kid for a few years, I tend to philosophize a great deal. So it has always been about reading then...

If rituals are to be followed, it is better I understand why. If you want to pour milk, ghee, curd, tender coconut on the stone deity and hope to appease the God, I have no complaints. I can watch it and to an extend enjoy the sight. But if you expect me to be doing it, I wonder why. And I seriously question my ability to believe in such things and follow them unquestioningly day after day. That is just not me.  

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Religious? Don't think so...

I sometimes wonder if I am really spiritual. I have a way of philosophizing life and making it easy to digest and be hopeful. But can I fol...