I find vulnerability a great quality. Some people can so easily put things out there and evoke a sense of sympathy and understanding from others. When I offer a sympathetic ear, I mostly do not feel my time was wasted. But if I had to tell someone that I had such a thing bothering me, I would think, would I be wasting their time, would it be appropriate to discuss. I think. I wait. I wait till I get proper time to tell a loved one, that this is what is bothering me. And sometimes, I wonder if they will worry too much and decide on not sharing it. I act all strong. I avoid people when am a mess. And people think am arrogant, self-centered.
What I truly need in my life is to be heard, to be understood. It is tiring to have things and not have someone to say it to. It is tiring to be nice to the world and in that attempt end up alone. It is tiring to deny yourself some niceness. It is tiring to be so full of expectation and pretend like I give a damn. It is so tiring to believe in magic and at the same time wonder will the show ever start. It is so tiring to be so cautious of getting hurt by being your natural self, when you can as well let go and take it easy. It is so tiring to wonder who is judging and why, when people are just like you.
Why cant I be vulnerable, why cant I be, without feeling lost or spreading myself too thin? Why cant I just ask for help when I need? Why cant I just ask for support when I need? Why is getting some understanding and sympathy a sign of weakness? What is the fun in pretending to be all strong, when you really are not? Why should one force oneself to expect less? Why do I have to hoard feelings till it bothers me so much? Why should I stop believing in things that I have always believed, because someone says so - really?
Do things really have to go way too wrong before it starts getting better?
Why do things become lighter when put in black and white?
What I truly need in my life is to be heard, to be understood. It is tiring to have things and not have someone to say it to. It is tiring to be nice to the world and in that attempt end up alone. It is tiring to deny yourself some niceness. It is tiring to be so full of expectation and pretend like I give a damn. It is so tiring to believe in magic and at the same time wonder will the show ever start. It is so tiring to be so cautious of getting hurt by being your natural self, when you can as well let go and take it easy. It is so tiring to wonder who is judging and why, when people are just like you.
Why cant I be vulnerable, why cant I be, without feeling lost or spreading myself too thin? Why cant I just ask for help when I need? Why cant I just ask for support when I need? Why is getting some understanding and sympathy a sign of weakness? What is the fun in pretending to be all strong, when you really are not? Why should one force oneself to expect less? Why do I have to hoard feelings till it bothers me so much? Why should I stop believing in things that I have always believed, because someone says so - really?
Do things really have to go way too wrong before it starts getting better?
Why do things become lighter when put in black and white?
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