Jeezzz….

I suddenly find myself wondering will I really get to meet someone who is “made for me”. I sometimes don’t feel great when I see people I know talking about their “love”. I wonder when will I get my turn. Whenever I thought I was in love, it seemed its pure imagination! Now it makes me smile, but I would be greatly be disappointed at my own findings then! A couple of time I thought of “risk”ing to take the chance, I never was able to take it! So I guess I don’t think arranged marriages kill the fantasy of “finding” the right person. I know what kind of a person I do not want to spend the rest of my life, but do I really know what kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And when some married people crib about all the difficulties, I wonder if they can be true! Just today someone told me, I am so lucky to be single. For God’s sake can someone also tell me why? They tell me to enjoy as long as it lasts, but what is “it“? :) I think it’s a nice feeling to have someone fully for myself, hopefully every feeling I feel matters to him, the smile on my face would matter to him. I tell myself I have better things to do, but sometimes I let my mind wander, wonder about these things, sometimes it makes me happy hoping - he probably sings well, may share reading interest with me and so on, sometimes it makes me sad. I wonder if the sadness is true or wallowing in some kind of self pity at someone’s “sympathetic” comments! It is more like - “who cares, it will happen when it is meant to happen, I cant be sad hoping one day someone will make me very happy forever, I have to find my own happyness and live it! So let me keep having fun..When that my “someone special” comes along will just have more fun.”..But sometimes like now, I want to be sad(Oh damn it!)...