To Kitty, with love...

Her eyes were bright with some strange joy and there was a child like excitement in her face! She must have also felt the same about me at the moment. And we kept staring at our hands, she at mine and me at hers. Her hand looked so very much like mine. We were looking at something on her monitor. She was seated in her chair and I was leaning from my chair to see something she was pointing out at. My hand was resting on her chair's arm rest. While discussing something we realised this and we seemed so excited about it. Exactly the same shape! I kept my right hand along with her left and we both giggled like little girls! Her hand was slightly bigger and had long beautiful nails(my nails are very short).
This post is dedicated to my hand twin!

Last evening...-2

The world is a very unfair place to be.(Ok I will keep saying it because it IS an UNFAIR place to be!). This has nothing to do with the below passage.

Another friend called me after a long time to check if I continue to exist - precisely thats why some friends call me up for. We caught up with each others lives. In the due course I suddenly realized (because my friend pointed it out to me), that I had made some remarks about relationships and marriage. All this advice was not even targeted at him, for he is a mature guy himself. We were just discussing about something and I got into the lecture mode unconsciously. This is what I had said(it cant be exactly the same words, and since I was the one who said it, I have the license to...) :

There are a lot of things in this world which you do to prove a point. Marriage is definitely not one of them. Dont marry to prove anybody a point. There are a few people involved whose life will get affected by the decisions that you take. Be practical, be reasonable. In the height of ecstasy, when high on love, people dont think of the practical implications. You must think about the consequences. If you are content with the way of life at home, if you are proud of your roots(and you enjoy a lot of the vernacular stuff) , if you are sure you want your everyday things to be how they have always been, do not try anything drastically different in this area! Just imagine wanting to watch a kannada movie/play and hoping your spouse, who cannot follow kannada, could appreciate it, when initially it did not even seem like a requirement for the relationship! Think. Because this will be having an impact on your partner as well. If you are the kind who would end up with such unrealistic expectations(they become unrealistic in this particular situation, otherwise having such expectations from people of the same backgrounds is very valid)and are convinced it’s a reasonable expectation to have, then cross-language and cross-culture marriages are not for you. This will be a very unfair thing to do for a person whom you have “loved”. Things will not continue to be rosy forever. Get real. Don’t make your old parents go through difficult times adjusting to the new person-new language-new culture(This will not be a problem if you are from a cosmopolitan background). Marriage should stabilize life not add more confusion! And more than everything it depends on fate (yes, I am a “practicing” hindu!!! LOL!). If things do not happen the way you want, they were just not meant to be. Blame nobody(This is easier said than done!)…….

There was one thing very surprising. I have never taken a stand on this matter before. I did not even know I think on these lines(now). I have always claimed to be a hard-core romantic – as in, you cannot help falling in love with people (and falling in love somehow translates to marriage, thanks to my conditioned mind!). It was a great eye-opener to myself!

Last evening...- 1

This world is a damn unfair place to be. This was what I was thinking when I my mobile beeped last evening. I felt very strongly it was from my mobile service provider. They send me messages to pay my bill ten days well in advance of the last date, and that too some 3-4 messages per day - buggers. It was from a friend saying "I forgot to tell you - she got the Visa! Thanks." A smile lit up on my face. It was a strange feeling infact. I had not done anything that can be called a "favour" to deserve the "thanks". But I felt very happy,warmed and nice. This is what had happened.

I saw this friend of mine logged in early on the messenger. After exchanging pleasantries, he suddenly asked me if I could do him a favour. I said ok. He said his kin has applied for a Visa and she needs to get it, for she is needed there. "Can you pray for her?"

Now this took some time to register. Is this the favour he is asking? And this is a "favour"? It qualifies for a "favour"? I could not help smiling at the child-like-innocence of the request. So simple and so straight. (There are times when I wonder do I deserve such niceness? - yes, I am the same person who maintains the world is a bloody unfair place.)

After a while I managed to ask him if that was THE favour he had asked for. Saw a "Yes" pop up on my messenger.I said "Ok, sure, can do that for you". Seeing my confused state he gave me the explanation "If I do selfish requests(to God), they dont happen. If I ask Him something for other people it usually happens. So want you want you to pray for her." It could not have got simpler. I prayed.

Makeovers..

There is a show on TV that interests me a great deal. Not being a regular TV viewer, I keep surfing through the channels and stop mostly for songs and ads! And while surfing through the channels I catch this program mostly and it has to do with "makeovers". Two people, either spouses or friends or siblings are given a "makeover" by a team of experts - dress designers, hair stylists and the kind. Initially I was a little skeptic about this show, as in "would I not know what I look good in, why should someone else tell me" kind of attitude. But then what are experts for, and there is always a scope for improvement. Also, there is a pattern that I have noticed among most people. Most of us look for comfort when we select our dresses, which is very good. But more often than not we do not experiment. So we stick to the same colours or fabric. And our wardrobes are full of similar kind of clothes. Be it cotton salwar-kameezs or shirts of all shades of blue! And like everything else in life, we probably resist changing the way we dress. After these “makeovers” some people really turn out to look much better.

After watching this show, I let myself imagine giving makeovers to people around. I find myself telling, had this person worn a lighter or darker shade it would have been better. May be this colour shoes dont look good on this. I imagine how a person would look with shorter hair (For girls I like short hair or long hair, in between lengths don’t look that good, now don’t ask me how else would you expect it to get long otherwise…I never had long hair, ever!) I have always been experimenting with my clothes. I mix and match and see if it looks good. People say it takes a lot of confidence to carry of clothes, which you are not used to wear or colours you have not tried before. I never force myself, experimenting comes to me effortlessly – its as simple as, I get bored if I look the same for long! (LOL!). And many a time I would have bought the dress myself, so no question of forcing also. When people give me second looks, the first thing I feel is “now whats wrong?” (this is the confidence building activity I put myself through for all the effortless experimentation!)

But sometimes making small changes in our look does loads of good. And surprisingly enough all that, that is given in these “makeovers” involve giving a neat haircut, manicure and pedicure, and clothes and shoes that the “experts” think suit you well. And if we notice carefully this is what we were taught as kids. Presentable meant wearing neat clothes (yes pressed), keeping your hands, feet and hair clean, and wearing neat footwear(remember those polished shoes and clean socks..). These days a lot of emphasis is given on personal grooming. And it is so very interesting also! A little thought, some interest and some genuine effort and you well end up looking “groomed”.

Just wondering...what if...

When passion becomes vocation one becomes successful… may be. Dont know what makes some people successful and some not. Other than the perspective ofcourse. And the best part is people whom the world recognizes as "successful" mostly were not even looking for it. They probably followed their hearts, did just did what they liked. I was wondering what I would have ended up being (Currently other than fixing bugs for a living, I am a full time whiner).

Was wondering what would I have been had I followed my heart. I would probably be a dancer. Had learnt classical dance for four years, but at that time was too young to enjoy it. The classes were in the evenings and always felt it eats up my play time. And I was not a kid who appreciated discipline (okay dont think any kid would). Classical dance seemed very methodical and tiring at that time. Standing (or was it sitting!) with your knees bent through the entire rendition was traumatic(for a kid that is). I gave lame excuses to bunk classes, hardly practiced at home and gave up, or rather finally was allowed to give up. It was much later that I realised if there was any music I enjoyed I could neither recollect the lyrics nor the tune. But to my amazement could find a movement to each beat of the song if I happen to hear it again. At home while listening to music cant resist moving my head or tapping my feet. Sometimes I even increase the volume, sing aloud and dance. The only regret is I did not learn any form of dance.

I also like probably would love to be a TV anchor for a travel and food show. I always envy these people. They get paid for doing it! Imagine being the host for programs like "Best spas across the globe" or some such fancy named show, "Foodie" or some such food-travel program. You go around meeting people, learning facts about the place. Good food, nice places and everything free and what more you get paid for doing all of it! Ok, agreed am over simplifying the stuff, there may be a lot of research going on behind every episode, lot of effort in making sure the information provided is as authentic as one can get under all the prevailing constraints. And unlike presenters of olden days who probably got the script ready, these days if one goes by the titles displayed at the end of the show (see, I care to read them!) say that the presenter does a lot more than just presenting the show. But then the point is when you enjoy it, you enjoy it!

When I was in school, I used to like VJs and thought that was a “cool” job. But I grew up to be more misanthropic as days went by and the idea of talking to absolute strangers seemed such a turn off! For a while Astro-physics seemed interesting. I was a part of a sky gazing club. We spent evenings on a terrace near my house spotting constellations, stars and planets. But research needed far more discipline and really good grades. So ruled out!

Then I loved reading. Thought if I become an editor of a publishing company I could read manuscripts – books before they came to the shops, thats how I saw them at the time! But then there would be scores of people writing like me(not demeaning myself, but people who write more for pleasure than as a career, well how does that matter?, ok whatever), may be getting a good material is like searching for a needle in a hay stack..not sure why, but dint take up the idea seriously.

As a kid I loved my teachers. My love for people depends far more on them than myself (same applies to dislike as well, this is my theory so no questions entertained.) These were interesting wonderful people who made me feel teaching was a great job. I cant explain why, may be peer pressure, may be glamour quotient(!!!!) associated with it, or God knows what I did not become a teacher. Whatever little I know on anything, I still find myself good at explaining it to others. And surprisingly I remain patient when someone asks for a re-run of the explanation (may be I hear it as “once more”!!). Enjoyed going down the memory lane..and luckily still believe in the self-made thumb rule in life…I may whine, I may be unhappy for a while, I may think a lot, I may do anything I chose to at the moment about something from the past but then, ”No regrets, whatsoever”.

Here comes the new year!

My resolutions for the new year..Well though will not have any, but then on seconds thoughts, which I always have, have come up with this list:

1. Not to take anyone(including myself ) seriously.
2. Not to have any expectations from anyone. This I guess will be the toughest one. God help me with this.

This should do. These can infact can I bet ensure a life time of happiness. But then, I need to also learn to let go of things gracefully, gracefully being the point. Ok wishing myself loads of luck for this and all the folks on blogosphere a very happy new year!

P.S: Losing weight somehow dint make it to the list, and am glad about that one!