hmmm

I sometimes feel like a child. Attracted to anything that is colourful, anything animate, anything cheerful and gay. I refuse to "analize" whether it is "good" for me. Then either end up burning my finger or feel it was snatched from me! Now this is childish. How could I have assumed it was mine or it would be available to me for as long as I pleased or rather how did I assume it would be there, it has its own fancies and rules of the world. Whats this "it".. Could be that friendly smile, could be that availability of this really nice person to chat, could be sharing interests, could be a person, a place or a thing which just attracts and has the capacity to hold my attention. Am I so stubborn in not letting go things easily or is it always with me that whenever I like the cheese, it has to be moved. I wish I had appraisal discussions with my Maker once in a while. Look this guy creates me the way I am, and then teaches everything the hard way. I deserve my share of everything in the world. Yeah I do. Anyone listening..huh?

Am gonna miss....

Am moving to a new office. I was just asking myself, other than the familarity and comfort of the people I work with, what else will I miss? Trying to list:
1. The library, particularly the one for non technical books.
2. Yoga class, and to some extent the gym.
3. The lazy walk beside the "pond" after lunch.
4. Variety of lunch available(you get South Indian,north Indian,Chinese, Continental,ok just name it you get it) and ofcourse my only lunch companion in all these years of my work life.(Well she is more than a friend, have known her for almost nine years now- best buddy in college!)
5. I had started noticing some really cute looking, kannada speaking guys! Oh god, what late realization hmm!
6. Bus ride! Now am I not being rediculous. Was this not the one reason I thought I dint have a life after office hours on weekdays? Ya, but I am gonna miss it.
7. Barista, coffee day, Strand and Oxford bookstall (both offer 20% discount)
Hmm...thats sums it up. Now I wonder, this very office when I shifted a year ago to, I used to crib saying it was so far from civilazation and outside the city and now I feel I am gonna miss it! Thats life.

Appraisal....

My mentee: What they ask during the appraisal.
Me: They dont, you need to.
Mentee: Oh! What does one write in the appraisal.
Me:(In the gyan giving tone) See, first you need to do your work the best way you can. Then dont feel shy to write the good things that you have done. If you feel shy writing good things about yourself and your work, they feel shy to give you a good hike!

Both of us had a good laugh.

On rainy day not long ago....

It was a late evening during the early monsoons. I was heading to the bus stop, it was drizzling but the sky was red and threatening to pour any moment. Those days a downpour was a welcome relief. My steps were unhurried. I neither seemed to care for the rain nor the last bus home. It was about 10 minutes walk. Occupied in my own thoughts I slowly walked through the open, untreed path in the lowly lit narrow winding lane running through a well maintained lawn. Reaching the bus stop climbed into my bus without a second thought or checking the route. Nothing could have changed, so fast. At least not my work life. I sat in a three-seater next to the aisle under the light to force myself to read something. Starting looking for some book in my bag. Those days I did not care what I read, because the companionship a book could give suddenly seemed to have deserted me. After a while the fact that someone is at the window-seat registered. I also slowly realized I was sitting right below the speaker. Radio is played the moment the bus starts off. And these are my regular companions in the bus - my book and the radio jockey and his music. I mechanically took out the book and started staring at the words. I dint realize how long it was before the music started playing overhead. It was the first time I ever heard the song.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I turned to the window. I wanted the gentleman next to me on the two-seater not to notice me. My neighbour on the right was looking out of the window. Our eyes met in the reflection of the window glass. His eyes were not questioning. There was no expression that would make me uneasy. They were just softly glancing. I was not sobbing, but could not stop the tears, they seemed beyond my control. The deep voice of Kailash Kher "Tu ne kya kar daala mar gayi mein mit gayi mein oji haaji hogayi mein...teri deewaneee..diwani..." had caught a passing thought and thus the precipitation. Ever since I have been in love with the song, its lyrics and the great music, beautifully sung. I felt greatly relieved after a while. For a long time after that I dint look at my neighbour. I was not embarrassed or anything. Just before I got up to go, I turned towards the window glass, as if to say bye.He again saw me without turning towards me. I thanked him with a smile and he warmly reciprocated. My steps towards home felt lighter. Those tears seemed to have washed a lot of things away.

What last year taught me..

1.While taking a photo, never make the subject be in the very middle of the frame. Its considered "ugly".
2.Never make someone your priority while you are only an option to the other person. Life demands balances in relationships.
3.Hit the gym. Get it into shape. Round is not a shape. Moreover do it for health, and keep the "shape" factor as motivator. Do yoga, keep yourself fit.
4.Some tips to avoid gaining weight (note, not reduce): Go to bed after a couple of hours after dinner. Drink lot of water. Take a slow walk 10 mins after lunch/dinner.
5.Be good to yourself. Treat yourself to some goodies, be it chocolates, clothes, books, or whatever you love once in a while. It helps you appreciate the smaller (in fact the most essential) things in life. Like the ad goes "You are the occasion".
6.Do new things, dont just plan. I planned many many things last year. I want to realize most of it this year.
7.If you want something "ask". I have asked and not got it, but it only made life simpler. Atleast I know I asked. Chances are you get what you want, dont settle for anything less.
8.Finally no regrets about anything. All said and done, all thought about over and over again one ends up making mistakes, some small, some big. Nothing is as big as life itself. This is the first time that I am doing so many things in life, so all this expected.
9.Give yourself and others another chance.

And happy new year folks!