A not so funny incident...

Had a working day on saturday. One of those comp-off days in office. Was not feeling like doing anything much. One cannot. When it gets into your system it is a saturday, you just cant. So I started off from office soon after lunch, thought it was time I headed home. It was a warm afternoon. Humid. Was in warm clothes. The morning had been quite cold. Heavy lunch. All these were conducive for me to dose off in the bus, happily, with my mouth slightly open.

I was suddenly woken up by the zig-zag motion of the bus. Was dazed. It took me a few minutes to register what was happening. There was a small bus ahead of the one in which I was, which was moving in a zig-zag way to stop this vehicle. Then the vehicle ahead came to a sudden halt. Our driver also applied breaks suddenly. Within a few minutes lots of people outside the bus, inside the bus, on the road, lots of vehicles behind lined up on the highway. I was not very sure what had triggered this. The scene was like from a movie. I desperately wished I wasnt there. Crowds of this kind scare me, make me uneasy.

I was sitting in the third or fourth row from the front. I could see some people outside the driver's window asking him to get out. I was traveling in a government bus. The smaller bus was a private one. There could not have been more than ten passengers in that one. I felt sick. People from the bus started getting down. There are a lot of people from my place who work in the suburbs and travel to work daily. There were many such people heading home in this bus. Many looked like office go-ers. They were getting irritated by the delay caused in their getting home on a saturday evening. Many got down. I do not remember exactly how long it all lasted. After a few minutes saw a man running away from the side of the bus with his shirt torn! An enthusiastic lady sitting beside me informed that it was the driver of the smaller bus. She was straining her neck all the while as if it was a movie shooting going on. I did not even get up from my place next to the window. I asked her to just sit down. I felt she should not be so excited when the only emotion that I was feeling was fear. She gave me a look like I had violated her human rights. Even she seemed scary for a moment.

Was holding my knapsack close to me. I was expecting all these mad people to put the bus I was in on fire..I was thinking of Godhra! I was thinking of all the Gods I ever knew. I was thinking if I could fit into the window and jump out if at all they started burning the bus. There was no way at the door of the bus to escape, there were many crazy men blocking the way. I was feeling sad imaging the children and women in the bus who may die.. I was making offerings to many Gods. I would have gone nuts had it lasted even a few more minutes than it did. Finally I realised the whole fight was for a very petty issue. Had I seen why the fight had begun, my imagination would not have run wild.All those people who were standing at the door of the bus, looking like hooligans were the same office go-ers who had got down the bus. They had their sleeves raised and the faces full of aggression. Enough to make me not recognize them. After God-knows-how-long the bus started moving. I heaved, thanked all my Gods. Felt grateful just to be alive. I do not know what was the cause of my fear, was it ignorance(I was sleeping when the action was happening and saw only the drama unfold), was it the mad crowd(am a misanthropic in many ways!)..but it all looked unbearable when it lasted and funny much later!

Directionally-challenged self!

Had a friend of mine, treat me for an ice-cream. Reason - by chance found out we are on the wrong road.

People who know me also know that I am not gifted when it comes to roads, directions, and new places in general. We(my friend and I) were going to a buddy's place for a function. Of the two, I was the one who had been there earlier. Despite the fact, like a true friend, who accepts you as you are, this friend of mine did not expect me to remember the way. And like a good friend, I thoroughly lived upto the expectations! Only when we came to the sublane where the apartment was, I was very glad to identify the exact building(Phew!). Then after enjoying ourselves with company of good-old-people-from-hometown,you know all the warmth and bonding and all that and then ofcourse the good food, it was time to leave. When we reached the main road, there was a V-shaped deviation. My friend took the wrong one, and I managed to tell him so. All I said was something like "hey it doesnt look like this is the road we came from, just a passing thought..", he stopped at the side and complimented on my feat in his own humble way!I Was happy, obviously, I am not as directionally challenged as I make out to be. Then I seemed to get into my elements with the compliment(Ok it was no compliment, just a remark, a casual one). Mid-day sun,it was scorching hot, the road was somewhere on the outskirts of the city where there are no trees on either side of the roads-unlike the typical bangalore style and unlike the driver I did not have a helmet.. And I wanted ice-cream, cause I deserved one - this is what I told my friend. I was at my asseverate best and convinced the childhood-friend of mine that an ice-cream was the one thing in life we both need to have at that moment in life!! We searched in vain all along the road( make it "I"). Then finally we almost reached my abode in bangalore, when I suggested the most expensive ice-cream parlour I know (what can I do if that place happens to be near where I am put up- I exactly gave him the same reason). He treated me to an ice-cream for overcoming a major mental block, accidentally. A small celebration to make me feel good about life on a very hot afternoon....

OSO....

Saw "Om Shanthi Om" during the weekend. Can watch it once, second time would be a little too much. No story line(did not expect a great story, so was not disappointed)..some good comedy, some masala, nice songs, am a great fan of Sharukh's six packs(WOOOW!!!) - he may be old,he may not be conventionally handsome - but still I like him(reason - same old one, cant explain no clue), liked the songs and music..Deepika looks great, Kiron Kher is funny as the Filmy Maa..A typical Farah Khan's movie...She seems to understand the movie world, and really appreciated her sense of comedy(rarely was stupid rather than funny)..One thing was the 70's look..people must have had great amount of patience and all the time in the world during the seventies, so much elaborate-everythings - clothes, hairdo, make-up..hmm..

Plan to watch Saawariya this weekend. Heard it isnt that great, but want to watch Ranbir...

I'm-possible!!!

There are some people on the face of this earth(fortunately very very few and far) who get on my nerves and are talented enough to manage to stay there when I am willing to let them get off. The only way I know to deal with these people is to avoid them. But there are certain places in life when they cannot be avoided. "Get off my nerves please" is what I want to tell them, clear and loud. They just dont seem to get the message. Hmm such is life...Take a deep breath and relax, I tell myself. One such person told me "You are impossible". May be thats precisely what I want to be for him. But the point is, what on earth makes people bother me when the only mistake I made was mind my own business. This seems to be a big offence in life..Funny people! - Ok folks, one small confession, I really dont want to be liked by a few homo-sapiens in particular. I choose not to be liked by them.Crazy me, but I do not know why!!!

Smokey business...

Saw a freshly lit cigarette lying on the mud sidewalk of a busy street in a posh area of Bangalore, just outside an office I sometimes feel is my work place(Ignore the last part, will tell you more some other time). That set me wondering why someone ended up doing it..I mean if all one wanted to do is fling it on the ground, why was lit in the first place..
So may be it was a teenage girl from one of the posh apartments beside the office building, trying it out when herparent appeared unexpectedly.
May be it was a guy waiting outside for his girlfriend who works in the building..she said she would be out in 10 minutes but came in 2 minutes..and she does not like to see him smoking. May be it was a 10 year old boy who had his first ever cigar and choked from the smoke and gave up.
May be it was a guy in the marketing team who is always busy..his wife again started nagging at the other end of the phone that he does not have any time for her...when he had actually come out to relax for a few minutes and smoke, got wild and just flung it to the ground.

It was still smoking..smoke emanating from it I mean..

May be a broken soul(or a broken heart) who usually smokes
to feel good, lit it and remembering the sweetheart who so mercilessly walked out of life, did not just feel like it and so flung it and walked away, not knowing where..may be..
Only the cigarette knew...

Mistaken!!!

People dont ever seem to mistake me for a Kannadiga. I wonder why. And the best part is they take the trouble of sharing their piece of mind as to what they though I was, as in which part of India did they take me to be from. There was this Tamilian lady who asked where I was from, I said "Karnataka". Next question was "Are you a kannadiga?". Was a little surprised. Ok one's mother tongue could differ from one's native place, may be. But I was surprised. She then told me she thought I was a mallu! Wait its not yet over. A new joinee, a mallu, during a team lunch asked me ifI was from Rajastan! I only could smile at the question. A Tam thinks am a mallu, a mallu thinks am a northy...Ok people from other places mistake me, but wonder how I felt when a kannadiga asked me if I were from Delhi when we first met. And the icing on the cake came today.When one of my managers saw me talking to another one in kannada and exclaimed "Kannada!!"..Oh common people, give me a break.Why cant anyone take me for a kannadiga? I am a little more fair to qualify for a south Indian? Oh butI have seen far more fairer south Indians who are not mistaken (the one who exclaimed thus is fairer than me and is from south India!!)... I speak fluent hindi? Oh ask any north Indian, he will tell you how pathetic my hindi grammer is! Previously it used to be fun when people used to mistake me thus...but not always...not so frequently..May be I should be happy people dont mistake my nationality!! What crap na..

Whine-free-week anyone?

There comes a time when you dont feel like wallowing in that pool of self pity. There comes a time when you no longer want to complain about anything in life. There comes a time when you just want to let it be. So I have decided to have a whine-free-week.


Agenda:
1. Try atmost not to complain, not to whine... can only write it away...
2. Enjoy everything including a bad mood...
3. Can sulk only when alone, meaning if you want to sulk get yourself away from people and do it...
4. If you strongly feel something in life has to change, change it...no second thoughts and no complaining
5. Be cool, people can treat you the way they whim...who cares...its their problem not yours..just be cool and dont complain..

Let it be...let it go...mmmmm

Am feeling very dull today..I feel something in life just stopped being what it used to be. Sigh. My heart says hold on to it, mind says let it be...LET IT GO!

Started loving cricket again!!

Hey we are world cup champions! Sounds great, feels sooo good. And the best part is we won against Pak. What makes it sweeter is we had beaten the "mighty" Aussies to get to the finals. One thing that I hated is the Aussie supremacy. These guys made cricket very boring and one-sided. According to me they are the most foul-mouthed players on team. Have concluded so after having read so many things about it in papers.

The only Aussie whom I really appreciated for the person he was on field was Steve Waugh. A gentleman playing the gentleman's game. I felt happy when he made the remarkable comeback and felt sad when I read an article about him after he called it a day. A nice player indeed.
There were times when the aggression on field was incredible. I had heard that aggressive behaviour on field is used to intimidate ooponents. Am not saying it is bad, but the best defence would be to play your game well. Kumble and Srinath showed quiet confidence. Well the whole point am saying is on saturday's match I thoroughly enjoyed the aggression that India showed and am very glad they did. It was superb watching the very "aggressive" Aussies go down the way they did. And what was the best things I enjoyed? Sreeshanth taking the mightly wicket of Mathew Hayden and thumping his fists on the ground. Joginder Sharma keeping his cool in the final over of both the matches! RP Singh's displined bowling..Irfan Pathan taking some awesome wickets and how can forget Yuvraj's splendid form. What a BIG guy he is! And his sixes were a beauty to watch. Everyone seemed to pitch in and do there bit. It was stopping a boundary, holding on to a catch, taking those ones and twos and keeping the score going, avoiding picking the wrong balls, all these small things made a big difference. They mattered, and to a great extend they alone mattered!
And my dear friend Vinu had told me we would lose the finals! It is her birthday today and an ardent cricket fan that she is, has reasons to celebrate even this! Happy birthday dear friend and may the Indian cricket team make you more optimitic in future! Herez wishing dear V and Indian cricket a wonderful time ahead!

Some "suicidal" stuff!!!

Actually its very funny..I wonder how I end up taking up things and responsibilities I can hardly handle. I seem to be an expert at that. A friend of mine described this attitude as "Aa bhel mujhe maar"!! If I am asked to take up something at work and they happen to qualify that task as "challenging", I cant say a no. And so I took up something which on second thoughts seems "suicidal". Ah well thats ok..its all a part of life, atleast mine!!



So things did settle down. Well what doesnt in life?



There was something very interseting I noticed. Saw two dumb people "talking" to each other. Both the girls were probably in their twenties. They were animatedly gesturing at each other. When the one who was "speaking" made gestures, she was not looking at the other person. Only when whatever she had to say was over she would make the eye contact. Until then with various expressions on her face, she would go on following her own hands. And the "listner" to my surprise, was looking at the face of the other person not staring at the hands. One of the girls had a very expressive face and the other girl had a lot of red and green glass bangles in her right hand, which were the cause of my taking note of their conversation in the first place. Without realizing



I had watched their conversation for quite a few minutes when suddenly I felt how could they be so sure that the other person understood what was being said. Nothing to be sure of. One person could be talking something and the other person could be saying something totally opposite. It was quite strange suddenly. It seemed beyond my comprehension that a conversation could take place like this as well.

Suddenly it struck me that there are times, so many at that, when I have spoken to people in a tongue that they can comprehend, when words have clearly been uttered, when words have been heard and yet at the end have been so sure the other person has not understood what I really meant!! And there have been times when people claim that they did not mean what I understood it be, although at that moment I was not more sure of anything else..



Suddenly things happen which make me rethink about some assumed notions in life.. They make me think about things I would not have given a thought about, make me rethink about some and sometimes even give me a 180 degree change in "perspective". One of the biggest things in life is its all how YOU "see" it, its all how YOU "take", its all what YOU "make" of it! Like is like that!

Unreal

Today am feeling tensed, my nerves seem to be strained. People around feel am not being myself. Am cheeezed of. First things first. People act weird and blame me for it. Hello, excuse me. "Its not my problem" is the last thing I want to hear when an issue between two people needs some sorting out. Agreed, it may actually be "my problem", but would you please mind not being the root cause of a bigger problem is my question. I face these in professional and personal life at times. And to make life more interseting, sometimes it happens in both places at the same time. I need time, and dont need blame. What is the point pointing fingers at each other that too when I am not even blaming "you" for it. And why the hell get offended when all I am asking from you is some information essential to get that sorting process going. And instead of making someone feel as though he/she is a difficult person to deal with, why not spend that energy in just keeping quiet. That is the least "you" can do. It actually helps. Well people of world, if you are listening then try not to pass comments at people who are busy "sorting" some things out...

Unwinding.....

Long time since I had an urge to write. Today am very drowsy and am in a great mood.

I watched "Mungaru male" for the second time yesterday. On the movie ticket "male" meaning rain was spelt "malhe". I dint know how to correctly spell it, but could not get myself to agree
with the pvr fellow's spelling. The program stretched my evening to a little later than I would
have wanted. You see enjoying an evening out with friends is one thing, catching that stupid early morning office shuttle is another thing. Miss this "stupid" shuttle then get caught in
even more "stupid" traffic jams and then what better way to screw up the day!

Then during the weekend watched Chakde! India. Something worth your time. Can guarantee that you wont feel bored even if you dont understand hockey or if you are not an ardent fan
of Shahrukh. And by the way he plays the character and not Shahrukh in the movie..even thats something rare you see. And there are some real feel good factors. You feel good about life in general. Go watch the movie for sheer joy of watching a great movie on our national sport.

I recently read Tarun Tejpal's "Alchemy of desire". This is the first book by the author I am reading. I like the vivid images he gives the reader while describing places and events. The beginning chapters were gripping, but it seems to drag in the melancholic middle chapters, and again comes to life at the end. I felt rather strangely while reading this book. There are places where I felt the author makes one feel there is nothing much to life. The story is in first person. There are times when you feel deeply sad for some characters and utterly irritated by the author's behaviour, his callousness. This is what is the strength of the book I feel. To portray oneself truly, with all the confusion and chaos happening inside, transparent to the reader, is a challenge. Many end up making the reader sympathize. Here I ended up, at times, loathing the author. Took several weeks to complete it. There were days when I just dint want to hear anything from him! Now it all seems good enough.

Then, I seem to be a great believer of destinies these days..all that will-happen-if-it-is-
meant-to-be attitude seems to pop up from nowhere at times. Confusion is the most prevalent
emotion mostly. Cant believe it is the same me who had opinions about almost everything in
life, that too strong ones. I have noticed that only utter confusion drives me to write stuff..may be I try to unclutter by writing..have kind of decided not to plan for sometime about anything.
That makes life simple in fact.

Happy birthday Pa

Happy birthday dear Pa, love you for making me realize there is something called
unconditional love. For sharing your almaari with me(given that you dont like doing it), and using mine after I left for bangalore. For teaching me to always cut my nails small and keep them tidy. For making me read newspapers every morning and creating love for reading. For mending your shirt yourself and making me realise your things can be your own business and no one else's if you keep them that way. For loving animals. For never forcing me to do anything against my will. For making me watch malgudi days and quiz programs on TV. For always being there for me. For being such a wonderful dad.

Life in a metro

Saw "Life in a metro" last week. A good paisa vasool kind of a movie, wont get bored for a minute, guaranteed. One thought that did linger is the amount of loneliness you feel sometimes in a big city, so full of people. May be it just happens all the time. Its very rare you get a someone with who you can share all your thoughts and even more rare (almost impossible) to find this same "someone" not change. Well it could be that you were the one who really changed and not this someone, but then it’s the same thing right? You end up being lonely all over again!

Muriyada mane...made my evening

After a long time all of us in my family sat together to watch a movie at home last saturday. Its so difficult to get a movie to make us all watch together. Thats what made it so special. It was cloudy and drizzling which kept dad indoors. Mom had prepared "chakkuli", so we all had something to munch on while watching the movie. It was called "Muriyada mane" - meaning "The unbroken home"- literally. It was about how a family splits for money, property and selfishness and finally reunites. Nothing new, what made us watch it were the actors (Dr.Raj, Narsimha raju, Balanna, Aswath..)and the beautiful dialogues, nice songs, excellent language(it seems so rare in today's movies)...Small things like these seem a luxury and can give so much of joy!

Gone with the wind

Read a very beautiful book - Gone with the wind. So beautiful that I dint need a book mark to remember where I last left it. So beautiful that I felt that I could not "waste" my evenings in office, in spite of all the "work load". Long pending. Had wanted to read for so long. Loved every bit of it. Felt hurt and sorry at times for some characters in it. So true and lovely.

Pappa

The father and his eight year old daughter were sitting in the hall enjoying each others company in the evening. Dad was sitting with his left ankle on the right knee making a cradle for his little daughter to sit on. They always enjoyed it like this. She was in her white sleeveless summer frock and he in his banian and green checked lungi.The daughter had noticed a small hole in the banian on dad's tummy. She managed to put her little finger in it and meddled with it in order to make it big enough for her finger to go in easily. Dad asked her not to do so as it was tickling him. This encouraged the little girl and she did it again. Father starting laughing loudly. It made her happy. Suddenly she thought of asking him what she had been planning from morning. Her sister had asked her not to touch her cycle. She had out grown her tricycle and wanted a bigger one. It was the right time to ask dad, she thought. She told him what was on her mind. Dad looked at her affectionately. He started telling her his childhood memories. This was very rare. He rarely even mentioned it. Today was different in severalways including this.

He: You know something? My school was about 2 kms from my house.She did not know how far was 2kms. But from his tone she understood itwas not nearby.
She nodded and said "hmm" as she had gone into her story listening mode.
He: I had no bicycle like Pammi (his elder daughter). And I did not carry lunch to school. I used to come home in the afternoons during the lunch break. I would come running on the pavement of the SH road(main road of the town). As the break was only for half an hour I would gobble up my food and then run back. I often would get muscle pulls in my stomach for running soon after lunch.
She : hmm
He: I dint have a bicycle, but my cousin, a year junior to me, had.
She : Why?
He : No one asked me if I wanted one.
She : Hmm? Why so?
He : I dint have a father to ask me.
He smiled. His eyes were filled with sadness. But she turned pale and held the arms of his banian and started crying uncontrollably. Although young and incapable of understanding the death of someone, she knew this was something that made her sorry for her father. She hugged him.

Istambul...

I am reading Orhan Pamuk's "Istanbul". I seem to share a lot with this guy(he happens to be Nobel laureate, not that's why!). Like him, I like winter, staying back home in gloomy weather, think women are more sensible of the sexes, strongly rooted to my place of birth and home. It doesn't seem to be so boring having my home housed in the same building all through! I feel possessed when in love. So many more things...plan to go back home and complete reading it. His language is not colourful in the sense that he doesn't make it loud or highly descriptive. Its plain, black and white, melancholic, beautiful. I'm loving it!

Argumentative Indians!

Watched the movie "Guru". Enjoyed it in the sense that I dint get bored.But I don't think I would want to watch it once more. The after effectsof watching the movie was kind of fun. My roomie and I began discussingit. We had watched it on different days. The discussion turned to aninteresting debate - a post dinner one(to be noted, as pre dinnerdebates are mostly short lived). I am very unsure of what it startedlike..may be that the character "Guru" became successful by "breaking"the rules. My side of the argument was he did not "break" but only"bend" the rules. The system although is functional it was not flawless.He was very ambitious and only used the flaws in the system to hisadvantage and grew. He also improved the system in a way. Her argumentwas quite interesting. She strongly believes in the democratic values,feels no single person can get bigger than the system.

Me: Agreed. But at some point he did go above the system. The systemwoke up in time to raise its own standards.

She : Being corrupt is not bending the rules. It is perfect breaking therules. Not paying tax is as good as a crime.

Me : Fine. But this punishment was affordable to him. Paying a fewlakhs(or whatever money) is not that big a deal for a business tycoon.If someone finds punishment affordable then it means the system acceptsits flawed(at least in areas where the punishment is affordable) therebygiving concessions to those who break these rules.

She: Punishment is a punishment. Although it looks like a financial one,it can tarnish the image of the company and loose a lot of good will inthe market.

Me: In Guru's case the beneficiary was the common people and it was thegovernment that lost money. And moreover all Guru wanted to do was makemoney legally. The system with its corrupt bureaucracy came in his way.He found it far more time saving to just bribe and move on. Had thesystem been supportive there was no need for him to bend the rules.

She : He fought the system legally to get the license to start hisbusiness. Later he went on using corrupt ways to grow. Every individualin a system should act responsibly. He should have fought corruption.

Me : Fighting corruption is easier said than done! It would beidealistic to expect him to have done so. He was achieving his means byexploiting the system. Even corruption is a part of this very system.Even education is a part of this very system. Expecting individuals tobe responsible enough although your system doesn’t do much to help themgrow is a little asking for much. Even he was a part of this system. Thesystem dint give him the chance to grow naturally, so he tweaked therules. Had he broken them, he could not have been able to bear theaftermaths. He helped the system grow. Such people stretch the limits ofthe imagination of the society. Who could have thought a company couldhave been started without any money at all. He raised it from the publicmoney. They are required....

(Her part of the argument may not be fully represented as I was busy debating it out!)

The debate had gone on well after midnight. We were so excited at someparts of the arguments we were, I guess talking loudly. Then we suddenlyrealised it was well past bedtime. Many things were not settled. Both ofagreed to remain peaceful in our disagreements. We have realised to stayunder the same roof we need not compromise on our beliefs or thoughts.So naturally we had enjoyed the debate.

Goldfish memory....gone in a blink!

I feel like a goldfish! Looking at huge lines of code. I have an uncanny feeling that the moment I blink I forget all that I had analysed and theflow! Like the goldfish memory. You blink, you forget. Like the girl inthe movie "50-First dates". Fortunately it happens only with the code.But forgetting in some ways is a gift. Life becomes simpler if yourealize what to remember and surely remember what to forget! No extra baggages please.

hmmm

I sometimes feel like a child. Attracted to anything that is colourful, anything animate, anything cheerful and gay. I refuse to "analize" whether it is "good" for me. Then either end up burning my finger or feel it was snatched from me! Now this is childish. How could I have assumed it was mine or it would be available to me for as long as I pleased or rather how did I assume it would be there, it has its own fancies and rules of the world. Whats this "it".. Could be that friendly smile, could be that availability of this really nice person to chat, could be sharing interests, could be a person, a place or a thing which just attracts and has the capacity to hold my attention. Am I so stubborn in not letting go things easily or is it always with me that whenever I like the cheese, it has to be moved. I wish I had appraisal discussions with my Maker once in a while. Look this guy creates me the way I am, and then teaches everything the hard way. I deserve my share of everything in the world. Yeah I do. Anyone listening..huh?

Am gonna miss....

Am moving to a new office. I was just asking myself, other than the familarity and comfort of the people I work with, what else will I miss? Trying to list:
1. The library, particularly the one for non technical books.
2. Yoga class, and to some extent the gym.
3. The lazy walk beside the "pond" after lunch.
4. Variety of lunch available(you get South Indian,north Indian,Chinese, Continental,ok just name it you get it) and ofcourse my only lunch companion in all these years of my work life.(Well she is more than a friend, have known her for almost nine years now- best buddy in college!)
5. I had started noticing some really cute looking, kannada speaking guys! Oh god, what late realization hmm!
6. Bus ride! Now am I not being rediculous. Was this not the one reason I thought I dint have a life after office hours on weekdays? Ya, but I am gonna miss it.
7. Barista, coffee day, Strand and Oxford bookstall (both offer 20% discount)
Hmm...thats sums it up. Now I wonder, this very office when I shifted a year ago to, I used to crib saying it was so far from civilazation and outside the city and now I feel I am gonna miss it! Thats life.

Appraisal....

My mentee: What they ask during the appraisal.
Me: They dont, you need to.
Mentee: Oh! What does one write in the appraisal.
Me:(In the gyan giving tone) See, first you need to do your work the best way you can. Then dont feel shy to write the good things that you have done. If you feel shy writing good things about yourself and your work, they feel shy to give you a good hike!

Both of us had a good laugh.

On rainy day not long ago....

It was a late evening during the early monsoons. I was heading to the bus stop, it was drizzling but the sky was red and threatening to pour any moment. Those days a downpour was a welcome relief. My steps were unhurried. I neither seemed to care for the rain nor the last bus home. It was about 10 minutes walk. Occupied in my own thoughts I slowly walked through the open, untreed path in the lowly lit narrow winding lane running through a well maintained lawn. Reaching the bus stop climbed into my bus without a second thought or checking the route. Nothing could have changed, so fast. At least not my work life. I sat in a three-seater next to the aisle under the light to force myself to read something. Starting looking for some book in my bag. Those days I did not care what I read, because the companionship a book could give suddenly seemed to have deserted me. After a while the fact that someone is at the window-seat registered. I also slowly realized I was sitting right below the speaker. Radio is played the moment the bus starts off. And these are my regular companions in the bus - my book and the radio jockey and his music. I mechanically took out the book and started staring at the words. I dint realize how long it was before the music started playing overhead. It was the first time I ever heard the song.

Tears started rolling down my cheeks. I turned to the window. I wanted the gentleman next to me on the two-seater not to notice me. My neighbour on the right was looking out of the window. Our eyes met in the reflection of the window glass. His eyes were not questioning. There was no expression that would make me uneasy. They were just softly glancing. I was not sobbing, but could not stop the tears, they seemed beyond my control. The deep voice of Kailash Kher "Tu ne kya kar daala mar gayi mein mit gayi mein oji haaji hogayi mein...teri deewaneee..diwani..." had caught a passing thought and thus the precipitation. Ever since I have been in love with the song, its lyrics and the great music, beautifully sung. I felt greatly relieved after a while. For a long time after that I dint look at my neighbour. I was not embarrassed or anything. Just before I got up to go, I turned towards the window glass, as if to say bye.He again saw me without turning towards me. I thanked him with a smile and he warmly reciprocated. My steps towards home felt lighter. Those tears seemed to have washed a lot of things away.

What last year taught me..

1.While taking a photo, never make the subject be in the very middle of the frame. Its considered "ugly".
2.Never make someone your priority while you are only an option to the other person. Life demands balances in relationships.
3.Hit the gym. Get it into shape. Round is not a shape. Moreover do it for health, and keep the "shape" factor as motivator. Do yoga, keep yourself fit.
4.Some tips to avoid gaining weight (note, not reduce): Go to bed after a couple of hours after dinner. Drink lot of water. Take a slow walk 10 mins after lunch/dinner.
5.Be good to yourself. Treat yourself to some goodies, be it chocolates, clothes, books, or whatever you love once in a while. It helps you appreciate the smaller (in fact the most essential) things in life. Like the ad goes "You are the occasion".
6.Do new things, dont just plan. I planned many many things last year. I want to realize most of it this year.
7.If you want something "ask". I have asked and not got it, but it only made life simpler. Atleast I know I asked. Chances are you get what you want, dont settle for anything less.
8.Finally no regrets about anything. All said and done, all thought about over and over again one ends up making mistakes, some small, some big. Nothing is as big as life itself. This is the first time that I am doing so many things in life, so all this expected.
9.Give yourself and others another chance.

And happy new year folks!